How do I survive a breakup with no clear ending.
Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 3 years.LDR.
We always fought. Whenever he hurts my feelings. Normally, I would have told about it. But he always gets so defensive. Even saying sorry, he would still find a way to explain so this is why I didn't feel like the apology was sincere.
So, I would then shut him off. Saying, i don't want to talk for a while cause I feel invalidated.
This goes on and on. Until I was so tired of not being heard, I decided to break up. But he begged that he would fix everything.
This still goes on and on. Until he wasn't expressive anymore and I don't feel as loved as before and again I communicated this to him, said that he would fix it.
I believed him that he would. It was a cycle. Everytime I was tired of waiting for the fix, I would ask to break up. He would beg and he promised that he would. I would always tell him that I am sorry that I don't mean anything I said.
Until he agreed to the break up. I was taken aback and explained that I didn't mean to and that I just want it to be how we used to be.
And then he burst amd blamed me for everything. That he was unable to express himself because of my sudden outbursts. That he wanted space and some time to think. That we should probably walk our own paths for now. But he clearly explained that he wasn't breaking up.
I remember before that when he needed assurance I gave everything I could and lose friends and gave him all of my attention just to keep him assured and now that I needed this he pulled away.
It's almost two weeks since we last talked. It was so hard for me because I was so used to us calling each other everyday. We just didn't talked
I don't know what to do, should I wait? Am i single now? Am I the only one in the wrong here? I am so depressed. I just don't know what to do. I want him back but I don't think he wants me back because he is not talking to me.
@Chinay99
Thanks for sharing.. what i got out of your post is things just aren't that great..
You are often disappointed.. Your instincts may be accurate, I hope everything works out for you..🌲
@Chinay99
Do you Really want to go back to the circle of promises that did not happen good moments broken up by long stretches of our needs not getting met?
I think when one uses the "we could break up " in fights they should be ready for the other person to take them up on it and really break up. it does not work as motivation it does not make a person change and be the partner we want them to be LDR makes it even harder.
staying to be disappointed again and again. I had that partner who always turned every item they did back on me tell them they were not listening ... it was YOU do not listen ... tell them I felt unheard.... they felt unheard........ it is called deflection. it is reverse the problems to blame others.
It is immature and often used by narcissist types. In my experience it does not change they never see their faults and you will just be repeating the cycle over and over... find someone else.
So, this wasn't solely my fault, right? 𥺠I'm sad thinking it was all my fault because he now blames me for it.
And I agree that breaking up shouldn't be like a threat to someone. I am not proud of this behaviour but before I do this, I ask for a break during the heat of the moment because I might tell something I don't like but he keeps pushing me to talk.
@Chinay99
no not your fault all relationships take more than one person.
The issue is always in the middle......... not like middle of 50/50 but can be 90/10 or 80/20.
I can totally understand when we want to take a break instead of saying something but sometimes those things need to be said. It is harder in LDR as it is mostly talk. i found not saying things i wanted prolongs things but never fixes them.