How do you get over being cheated on?
My husband and I met in elementary school, started dating in high-school, and have been married for almost 25 years. We have two children at home in their low 20's.
Approximately 2 years ago, things were getting bad. I was feeling loney and we were fighting over stupid things that we're truly insignificant. As time progressed, we grew further apart. There was no emotional or physical connection.
During this time, I found a hotel receipt, and he confirmed that he had been cheated on me.
I was devastated and felt destroyed, humiliated and hurt being discription. I literally collapsed.
We talked, I cried, and he said he had checked out a long time ago and had no more love for me. We decided to keep the peace and stay together until our daughter graduated.
Things got better, I forgave him and we talked again and agreed to try to make it work, but I linger with the thought of him being with someone else. I can't get it out of my head. I want to be happy and playful, but the betrayal lingers and makes be feel less then what I know my worth is.
First I would love to know if anyone has been in a position of trying to work through forgiving someone after something like this happened. Second, I would like to know how to get passed, if it's even possible.
Our daughter is graduating this week, we are having a party at the end of the month, and I am planning on having a heart to heart talk with him again because the betrayal and loneliness still lingers because I am having trouble getting past it all.
Any invite would be appreciated.
@shine2000
That was suppose to be any information or guidance would be appreciated.
@shine2000,
ever considered relationship therapy? Some wounds run so deep it's hard to mutually deal with them without a professional outsider.
@shine2000
I lived thru it ......I have been in your shoes ......and then later after trying so darn hard to make it work but not for the right reasons. ... I was almost in your spouses shoes...
You knew things were going down hill ......the connections both physically and emotionally ... was not there. Maybe you felt it has been so solid even if it was severely cracked it would not fall apart. Whatever you went thru then you did not see how very far you both had drifted and maybe you are making the instance of cheating worse .....it is not a reflection on you but someone hurting and letting the situation go farther.
Once one or both have checked out... really checked out ..... I am not sure ...as I did not accomplish it yet...... that you can get it all the way back. The hurt fades a bit .....the feeling betrayed eases. You feel you can lean on the good times , memories, and your past history ...you may even have days when you feel close Some days I never think of it and then like writing this it all floods back. I see why it happened and mine was truly repentant but things felt different.
I said "i love you" for a year every time he left for work etc until i realized it was NOT for him but trying to convince myself. It was almost the same time frame about 20 years ...... What if it does not work are you afraid of ... your kids / family finding out why certainly they KNEW things were not working. i was mad told them has effected their relationship with him.
Things change I was ready to make it all be better finally took a long time and then the tables turned he had issues he did not share and pushed me away .....I disconnected felt nothing anymore ....... hugs felt like awkward ones you get from distant relatives at a family reunion .kiss forget it must be how actors feel forced to for the job .. his jokes are not funny.... every little thing seems like he is trying to make it worse .
Do you remember how lonely you were? As your relationship seemed over every thing they do seems like a punishment. Now imagine you met someone who made you feel again / laugh again find you interesting and attractive and wanted... who was happy to just look into your eyes and talk about silly things like what type of cake white or chocolate is best. Kissing them is what you think of ..... maybe it is the newness of telling each other everything .. learning things. I have tried to quit my friend sending each other funny memes or just telling each other have a great day. it is long distance but if it was not i would have crossed the line.... Once I saw how it can happen .......how it easy it could be I understand anyone who did that now.