How do you let go? How can i even heal and deserve happiness?
How do you heal and let go of someone you hurt first? I literally can’t seem to stop wanting my Baby’s father back.. i love him so much still.. but is my own fault, a bed i made myself..
I talked to an ex from a relationship of many years ago while we (my bd and me) were in a relationship the first few months, and hid it and erased, but i can swear we didn’t talked about anything from our past together or anything about love, but that doesn’t matter as i still did wrong by just talking and definitely by lying and erasing, trust me, there hasn’t been a day where i ask myself why.. why was i so st*pid and if i knew I wasn’t talking bad stuff why even erase or hide, and how could i been so stupid and so heartless to do that knowing what i was going to lose…. There wasn’t a day where I would apologize in tears and on my knees basically for what i did, he said he forgave me but he didn’t fr.. there wasn’t a day where i tried to make up for my mistake and tried to be the best gf possible and supportive and give him all the love i could.. i gave my all for him, my heart and soul and commitment and money, and we even had a baby.. we continued the relationship for 2 years, but he said he pretended all that time to love me.. and that it was all a lie.. he was cheating on me as revenge all that time too.. with a few.. and tbh, it HURTS but i deserved it.. i more than deserved it.. he left me 2 months ago for someone prettier and treats him better and who won’t hurt him like i did….he’s so happy.. happier than he ever was with me.. and I cannot stop crying or suffering or wanting to d** from the guilt.. the guilt is killing me even if it was 2 years ago.. I thought i was a good woman, i thought i was making him happy, but i was SO wrong.. i cry everyday, I can’t focus on anything except the extreme guilt…. Even if i am forgiven what does it matter if I can’t have him back…. I know it sounds selfish.. but is just that I can’t believe i ruined the best relationship i ever had for being such a stupid dumba** the guilt is k***ing me.. the guilt of because of me my baby grows without a father by the same roof…. Because of me I can’t marry him or have more kids with him.. I literally just want to d*e fr.. i am so extremely overwhelmed.. i know i am being more of a woman than a mother but i cannot live with the guilt of loosing the love of my life because i was stupid and immature and who knows what else…. I deserve to always be alone.. i don’t deserve anything.. i wish he would come back to me.. so i could make things differently this time…. But that’s selfish of me..
@LunaMothx
So you talked to an ex not about rekindling something but he was an ear for you.... even if what you spoke of was not romantic you hid the conversations.... that caused issues between you and BD
but in all reality a person who finds a friend to talk to to discuss things often did so because their emotional needs and being listened to and supported ....... may not have been met by current significant other. So he let you beg for forgiveness and then justified cheating on you for revenge... That is all on him no excuse he wants you to punish yourself for his bad behavior too.
I think you had cracking in relationship before this happened. While you may regret your choice to hide conversations and miss your BD dearly ...............you should not take all the blame in the relationship falling apart it takes two to make a relationship work OR fail.
I guess it was like, force of habit or something you know? We would always talk and ask like “how’s life” and silly things like that way before i met my BD. But.. I shouldn’t had done that regardless of anything, we had a great relationship till i ruined it.. i failed.. i apologized a billion times, i tried to fix my mistakes, i tried everything in my power, but i guess the damage i did was irreparable.. unfixable(if that’s a word) like he had been kicked out of the house and was sad and i always dried his tears and supported him through all of that.. but at the same time talking to the ex who just became a distant friend because we didn’t even lived in the same countries anymore….. still i cannot help but to feel 100% guilty….
@LunaMothx
I am sorry you are hurting and i still think you are being too hard on yourself. There are things people do every day far worse then what you did and they were fixable....
is what he did in response something you can overlook? can you get over that? is he even sorry i bet not has let you take that on as well. .. i think he wants you to take blame for his indiscretions. take some deep breathes and see the only thing you did was keep a conversation about day to day life with a friend a secret.....
I know you are in pain and we all have had moments that if we could have a do over.... but you have no trust in your relationship if he took your talking to a friend from far away as a threat.
@toughTiger6481 seconded
@LunaMothx
ok please let me summarize what you said here:
You
Possible ❌️ friendly chat with ex early in relationship, lied, erased
✅️ Apologized, many times. Great GF emotional support, financial support, two years together and a baby.
Him
❌️ Did not ever forgive you. Says now he didn't love you. Actual cheating with multiple girls. He was sure happy to get all that stuff from you though, sounds like.
✅️ NONE what did he do for you???
Um are there ANY positives getting back together with guy what did he do for you?
