How long do I wait for a girl who says she's not ready for a relationship
I'm not sure if this is the right place for this. But I need to get it out of my head.
How long to give a girl that says she need a bit more time...
I matched with this girl on Feb 15th and weve been talking and going on dates since then. We've been on 12 dates so far. About 2 weeks in she messaged me when she was tipsy, confessing to me that she was very recently out of a 7-8month relationship that she thought was going really well when suddenly he broke up with her. So she said she has some trauma from that and shes not sure if she wants anything serious right now. I said that I totally understand and that im willing to wait on her. We continued talking and going on dates.
About 3 weeks ago. I asked the question again. Just asking where we stand and whether she thinks this is going anywhere. And she said she 'needs a bit more time'... I said sure. I just wanted to make sure that she knew i what I was there for and was still interested... I also told her that "i'm willing to wait, but the more i wait, the more worried I am that I'll fall into that friendzone that I don't want"
She responded "I know. I totally get where your coming from"
I also added at the end "also on the off chance that your just not interested anymore that's totally fine too, no pressure."
She simply responded "stop thinking so much and go to bed"
Ever since then she's sort of been distant as such. Convos have been shorter then they used to. And not as deep or meaningful. She still messages me everyday. And we've still been going on dates...
However this last week has been a roller-coaster. I thought that maybe she was losing interest with me and was ready to accept that she's not interested in me in that way. But she messaged me out of the blue on Tuesday saying "should we go to the arcade?"
I was kinda surprised cause I had already accepted my fate... sadly tho. I was busy that night so I had to turn her down. I tried to reschedule but she said that Tuesday night was her only free night. She's in uni, has 5 assignments due this week, and works 2 jobs day and night. So I get that reasoning...
But Ever since I turned her down she seems completely distant... leaving me on opened and most of time when she responds its just a pic with no text....
I really feel like I should move on. She's treating me with some serious disrespect and rudeness but I'm trying to come up with excuses for her... she liked an in̈sta reel that was sort of about like apologising to an ex for how confusing she is... how out of touch she is with her emotions...
So I know she's suffering through something... but it's been 2 months... I just don't know how long to give? How long do I forgive her actions? How long do I hold onto hope? Is she interested in me... or is she just using me to heal.
I've never been through a break up that tough. Or that long. Normally only taking 2 weeks maybe a month to move on. It's just these days drag on and on. Constantly thinking about if I messed it up somewhere. These 2 months have both gone so fast and so slow.
So how long is normally acceptable. How long do I hold on for?
@azureShade7755
You said she was on a site? and you both matched. If she was that still affected by a breakup she would IMO not be on a site. I think she likes you as a friend and enjoys dating with a nice guy that has been so patient. most would have moved on before 12 dates.
in my life for me and watching friends...... if someone is playing hot and cold and saying not ready believe them if you are ready and want someone to build a relationship try again with someone else.
As hard as it is for me to accept. I really need to come to terms with it....
It's just that when I start to think it's over and she's lost interest. She comes out of nowhere with an invite out. Or an actual conversation starter. And then I start this whole cycle over again.
I know I overthink and I have a history with girls using the "I'm not ready for a relationship" excuse. But idk. This one just feels different. This one truly hurts. I'm so deeply fallen for this girl and I've only known her 2 months...
@azureShade7755
When people let others feel they are not interested and start to drift away and then sudden interest and invites ... I ask myself why?
I have had invites because they want to keep me as a backup/ fallback plan or others canceled on them.
That is just not fair to you.
Also she said the the reason she went to dating apps straight away is because she was really hurt. And she used it as a coping mechanism... but why continue to talk to me...
@azureShade7755
IMO jumping into dating is to show old BF (hoping he is jealous) ... and she did not think about wasting other peoples time or playing with their feelings.
Unless she told you on first date she was not serious about what dating is for to find a possible match / connection for real.
That's the thing... I feel like it maybe started out like that. But then 2 weeks in she told me about her ex. She said she had been feeling really guilty about not telling me from the start and that she's mad at herself because she wanted to be open with me from the very beginning...
But idk anymore. I'm thinking I might give her 2 more weeks. Figure out whether things are getting better or worse. Then send a text saying. "Hey I can't do this in between thing anymore. We're either 100% in or 100% out. And if she's not interested then I'll distance myself.