How to find a way to cope with a narcissistic husband
Not sure what to write here so ill just see what comes to mind.. slowly over the past few months ive realised my husband is a narcissist, borderline abusive and sometimes just generally not a good guy. He can be amazing at times but more often than not he's *** to live with. We have 4 kids all under 8. I am stuck in this marriage until our kids grow up, but now that i see what hes been doing to me all these years i just feel overwhelmed, anxious and mostly sad. I cant leave him but im not happy. I do everything for him, our kids, the house etc. But it feels like I cant do anything right for him and sometimes it honestly feels like he hates me. He has to control everything, gets mad at me for the smallest things, makes me feel like its all in my head, hes even started telling my family that i cant cope making me seem unfit. Everyone loves him, hes perfect to them, always charming, helpful and an all round good guy but not with me. I feel like im going crazy sometimes with his mood swings from charming to horrible. Always walking on eggshells to keep him happy. I wanted to do couples therapy but he wouldn't do it, i asked if i could do therapy on my own and he refused. I dont know what im looking for, maybe just advice on how to cope with the next 18 years im going to stuck with him. Thanks for reading if anyone does.
@resourcefulTalker1630
I can relate and staying with them like that is hard...
there are many ways to cope and i suggest keeping as busy as you can ..... let others know not just see the fake charm the act only put on for others ............ once the secret is out people cannot help but see it like being showed where Waldo is in the crowd.
Google several phrases to deal with narcissists it throws them off guard .... like "i am sorry YOU feel that way " .... they hear you are sorry ......then it turns right back on them. Mel Robbins did several podcasts on these phrases.
hold yourself to your standards and when he thinks he can show you how to do better with dinner or shopping or kids say "OK show me how it is done" believe me when it is much harder then they imagine the nit picking slows way down.
make time for you and your kids and never sugar coat his attitude behavior for them ......let them see who and what he is.... do as much as you can without him ...... make a plan and goal for when you leave the longer you have the more you can perhaps save up and position yourself for the day it comes people tell themselves they will deal with it when closer but they don' t time is on your side.
Most of all never let them see them get to you......... i would smile big and laugh out loud for no reason and he felt no power to upset me.
Thank you for your replies. I cant leave, i have nothing. He made sure of that. I just need to deal with it until my kids grow up. I hate that i can see it now, it was easier when i didnt know what he was doing. Its like the door is open and cannot be closed again. I just dont know how to live with him now.