Hurt and confused
My husband and I have been together for a long time and recently I thought he seemed strange. He started keeping his phone with him all the time and when it was sitting next to him it would be face down. I had a strange feeling so a couple of weeks ago I was able to look at his phone and I saw he had a chat with a girl I didn't know. I asked about it and he said it was nothing she messaged him so he responded. It seemed innocent but I still didn't feel like that was it.
So I pushed a bit more, only to find out that he was chatting with 3 women. I was blindsided as I thought we had a good relationship. He said he liked some pictures on social media and then the girls messaged him and he was talking with them for a couple of weeks on and off. But he can't remember what the talked about or what they looked like but....convenient amnesia???
I feel this is cheating, am I wrong to think this way??
He has always been flirtatious with women even right in front of me and I would voice my opinion and he would stop for awhile. A couple of years ago an old girl friend found him on social media and they were talking....I thought it was ok only she said she missed him and he didn't dismissed her until I lost my mind and said to stop talking to her and he did.
But now this talking w random girls and liking random pictures. I feel like he is choosing other women over me, his wife. Am I over reacting?
@Sunshine927
I think it is over kill to consider any chats with people of opposite sex as cheating.... imagine it reversed are you trustworthy to talk to others? if yes why?
it may be a reason for you to have real communication as to why. what is he getting out of chats does he send photos? Were photos he liked sexy poses like the girl was advertising herself?
I chat with 2 men ....one I work with and one I am friends with why ........because my spouse either does not want to talk or we share different interests .... if you chat a lot i can not remember every topic i have chatted with my friends about and do not feel i need to keep a transcript for spouse to review.
I know that seems to be the trend... that any like of photo or comment is the off limits like you only can look/ talk or like anything about your spouse. If you think he may have issues with your marriage before play that card and he will hide more from you.
Of course it may be disrespectful and perhaps you should talk to find out WHY and what he is getting out of the interaction....most people keep doing this for a reason like an ego boost ... could you be the one chatting / flirting with him ...
We forget especially after long term relationships ....that our partners deserve more attention. Real engagement in their interests or even making them feel important / wanted or even attractive or someone else will . But NOT all chats are what you are assuming.
I appreciate your thoughts on this, but just to clarify we both have friends of the opposite sex that we speak to and our cell phones have always been accessible to each other. We have no issues when we each chat with our friends. But just over the last month he has become secretive and keeping his cell close that sent red flags up for me.
@Sunshine927
I did not mean to offend you in some way and keeping secrets can be red flags or something else.....
I never have seen a need access to my spouse phone or question each call / text or message. Seems like phones and electronics have become more of a tracker then a communication tool.
No offense taken. Your words made me think alittle more past my confusion and hurt so I thank you for that.
We have always been able to grab each other's phone to use whether to make a call or look something up on the internet. So his behavior recently with keeping it close to him was just setting off red flags in me. I've never had the need to look through his phone. We have always been very open with each other.
I have talked to him and asked why and what are we missing that caused him to look for other conversation. He has no answer so that is why I'm confused.
@Sunshine927,
so you're saying something changed in his behavior, and your intuition tells you something is off.
Well, quite often your intuition is right.
Seems you asked him the right question, basically. Have you tried to tell him how, secretly, texting with others makes you feel? Without judging, labeling or running into discussions?
Without him validating your feelings like showing understanding (it's not about being right or wrong) he'll do unnecessary damage and he needs to be aware of that.
Openness, honesty, vulnerability, it makes all the difference.
@Sunshine927 I think it's ok to speak to others, yet keeping you as his wife in the fog is kind of strange. Maybe he didn't think this would concern you? To me it sounds fishy cause he was like not telling you and sort of being at a distance isn't fair. I hope you two can get through this. Does he normally hide stuff from you or is something else going on?
He normally is very open we never hide or keep things from each other. So yes it's fishy to me too. It's human nature to speak to others and we both are fine with that but when it becomes a secret that's where the problem is. We are trying to work through this, we have many years together and we do love each other so hoping we can make it to the other side.
