I Know leaving is whats best but i cant let go

I was with my guy for a little over a year. If i were to tell you the issues in our relationship youd be reading a novel. This past week has been the worst it has ever been. I have told him since the beginning ignoring me will not solve our problem and will instead make it worse. Well i later found out one of those times he pulled the "im tired of fighting, ill talk to you tomorrow" and ignored me for the rest of the night, he was actually cheating. I confronted him and got the "i love you, it was a mistake that wont happen again" response. I chose to put it behind us and move forward but i let him know after he continued to ignore me because he "didnt want to fight" that I was starting to feel disrespected and it was like a slap in the face because it comes off as "I dont give af about your feelings" he of course always said "well im tired of you bringing up the past and trying to fight about the same *** over and over. If you stop thinking *** i wouldnt have to ignore you." He never has been able to give me a reason to trust him again. I cant just take his word after all the deception i have found (messages that never became anything, and lies i caught him in) but he refuses to see why and thinks i should believe hes not doing anything because he said hes not. Now as for this last week he has ignored me damn near everyday. Ive told him how heartbroken i was, how much ive been crying and still nothing. He will then text me the next day saying "Im not doing ***, your doing this to yourself with your thinking ***" then ignores me some more. Im not an idiot, i know this is not healthy and i dont deserve being treated like this especially because i do everyyyy thing for him. My problem is I cant let go. I know in my heart he cant be in love with me like he swears he is because if he was there is no way he would be able to know how hurt ive been and still continue to ignore me. He wouldnt be able to go days without talking to me. So why am having such a hard time ending all this pain and letting that one text every once in a while give me hope that i know is wishful thinking? I cant help but send him very long paragraphs trying to get him to see where im coming from. I should also add he has mentioned he doesnt really read the messages because he said its all the same ***. So i cant say what he actually is aware of but he cant be that clueless to not know he is breaking me , I just want to stop crying, I want to stop sending those long texts begging him to understand, i know im fighting to keep someone who only hurts me and doesnt fight to keep me, but no matter how hard i try to be done something in me is dying for him to understand how bad hes hurt me, to tell me why its so easy for him to not care about me, i need to know what i did wrong, if any of this was ever real. I want to understand how It can be so easy to find out im crying because im being ignored just to turn around and ignore me more but then later say " I love you i told you im not doing ***, if you dont want to believe me thats on you" Sadly i dont think i will ever get the answers from him, im just making myself look like an obsessed psycho sending 5 texts back to back and getting no response. I should also mention the times he pullled the " im tired o fiight and will talk to you tomorrow" he followed with blocking me, this is probably a longshot but does anyone have any advice? There is sooo much more to this but this is the biggest issue in the shortest version.