I am lost and broken (26 M)
I recently got married. My wife brought me far from home I left everything behind to be with her. She said she was Christian and made sacrifices to support me so I married her. I started working and gave her everything I also completely changed myself to make her comfortable. Not even a week after we got married she went on a dating site and started matching with people and said it was my fault because I don't show her I love her and that she was doing nothing wrong and that it wasn't cheating. She told me I was lucky that she was giving me chance and that I need to change and show her I love her. I am always desperately trying to prove my love to her. I came here with nothing and give her everything but nothing I say or do means anything to her. She says horrible things to me all the time and calls me stupid for anything I do that she don't like no matter how small it is. She doesn't support me emotionally and blames me for everything. She stopped wearing her ring and doesn't say she loves me and yells at me anytime I try to talk about how I feel. It just gets worse and worse and I am somehow always the problem and she never takes accountability for anything she does or apologizes. I don't know why she is like this but I am so deeply in love with her I just let her treat me like this. I have never loved someone so much that I would feel comfortable to marry. I just keep trying and I don't understand why. I gave her all the money I made so I can't afford to go back home and I just lost my job. I don't know how someone could break me down like this and I don't know what to do. I honestly just want to make things work even with how bad things are. I can't even say the worst parts of what is going on. I am so confused on how someone could do so much for me but also treat me like this and now I am completely hopeless and lost mentally
@W3STM1L3
I can see you love her so much.
But that's not always enough.
You don't deserve to be disrespected and shouted out and blamed for everything.
It is cheating going on other dating sites and matching whilst you are married.
Where's the love and kindness from her?
You matter too
Everything shouldn't be so one sided.
It's not all about one person in a marriage , man or woman.
I'm sorry you have to endure this because you deserve better.
Love uplifts and builds, together 💛
This is bullying behaviour and not love and respect which you deserve. Unfortunately sometimes kind people are targeted because they are easy to control and manipulate.
Please reach out to any friends or family and discuss it properly with them and get some support and kindness.
This is not normal behaviour from someone that supposedly genuinely cares.
Your needs matter, your voice matters. Put away some money for yourself and start saving. You deserve peace and happiness too.
@W3STM1L3
The broken one is your wife.
There are people who just not people who are able to commit. I knew a few of this type. One who was finally honest that they loved the chase and the falling in love feeling the new getting to know each other phase where everything seems possible ......... but was no longer interested once they had married the person and a relationship becomes work and building a real future not the fantasy...... They immediately began flirting or trying to meet someone. If your wife is one of these, she has no intention of fixing or accountability. Sadly, often they do not see or seem to care about your feelings and upheaval of your life.
no matter how much you give her or do for her she needs to see it is her and want to fix her . we cannot change others
Ive been thinking about this a lot. She has not changed. She still doesn't talk to me or wear her ring. She has told me she doesn't care if I stay or leave. I don't know why she doesn't just tell me to leave at this point even tho I can't right now. She has told me that marriage is just a piece of paper and it means nothing to her. We are both Christian but she does not care for Christian values so I'm starting to think she just lies about being Christian. Getting married was her idea, she didn't want to continue the relationship without us getting married so I just assumed she was very serious about love and loyalty and a godly marriage so I married thinking she was the one. With all that being said would it be wrong for me to look elsewhere for love? I feel like it will make a major red flag but I don't want to feel alone and unloved anymore. Everyday feels like a nightmare being here I slept better when I was in jail. What do you(anyone) think ?
@W3STM1L3
She has shown who she is.
I think from what you wrote she is lost in knowing what she wants some in a relationship ... after it goes on, she must assume marriage was next step like she was directing a play. and now that she has what she thought would make her happy, but did not she may want a do-over or tells herself it is just a paper etc. The type of person I described also did this the person confessing they just like the chase and the new getting to know them flirting stage was married 4 times.
you do deserve better and someone who values marriage like you do. Consider this as a valuable lesson and learn to look deeper in a partner not just believe someone who knows what you wanted to hear and believe.
Ive been thinking about this a lot. She has not changed. She still doesn't talk to me or wear her ring. She has told me she doesn't care if I stay or leave. I don't know why she doesn't just tell me to leave at this point even tho I can't right now. She has told me that marriage is just a piece of paper and it means nothing to her. We are both Christian but she does not care for Christian values so I'm starting to think she just lies about being Christian. Getting married was her idea, she didn't want to continue the relationship without us getting married so I just assumed she was very serious about love and loyalty and a godly marriage so I married thinking she was the one. With all that being said would it be wrong for me to look elsewhere for love? I feel like it will make a major red flag but I don't want to feel alone and unloved anymore. Everyday feels like a nightmare being here I slept better when I was in jail. What do you(anyone) think ?
@W3STM1L3 For right now, don't think about relationships. Focus on your future and goals.
Work on your confidence. Find a career that fulfills you or start with work that will give you a good purpose.
We all want to believe the best in people, but it doesn't always work out.
One step at a time, day by day. You are smart and capable and you have it in you to succeed :)
