I am lost and unable to break the chains of my own life.

Hello, I know we don't know each other but I need someone to talk to.

I apologize in advance for the emotion/trauma dump that's about to happen:

To get you caught up; I have been with this woman for 3 years.

During that time, she cheated on me about a year and a half in. We were already living together by that point and we separated. After 6 months of horrible guilt ridden loneliness, we were able to patch things up and get back together in May of 2022. We got engaged that fall and everything was great again. However; in November of

2022 | found out she was sneaking around with a guy at work. Once I found out she begged and pleaded for me to stay. So..... I did. I stayed.

After that she left her job (unrelated reasons) and for over a year she hasn't put much effort into finding a job or helping me with the bills

We were set to be married by November of this year but I stopped that dead in its tracks because of the no job thing.

Everyday I wrestle with my emotions and myself on whether or not this is worth it anymore.

I feel so trapped in my own life.

Like my say doesn't matter anymore.

And the worst part of it all is, I secretly hope she cheats again so l can justify my reasons. Because somehow it convince myself that this is normal

I have never felt so alone.