Idk what to do
My partner has sort of a high ego. He tends to make jokes about less fortunate people. He believes that they are broke because of their poor financial decisions.
Whenever he sleeps over at my place he would nitpick on my house and sometimes laugh at my parent's financial decision. I've told him how i felt about his "jokes" and instead of stopping completely, he would still think of the joke but say he'll choose to keep quiet because he doesnt want to sleep on the couch.
A few days ago, i had the intention of breaking up with him because he doesnt respect my family. However, in the end we didnt break up. He begged and said he would change. He asked what could he do to have another chance and i told him that he needed to apologise to my family for the things he said.
My parents were neutral about the whole situation. My dad believes that everyone has the right to their own opinion and my mum believes that relationships are all about forgiving. However, they both said that they felt sad to see their daughter hurt and crying over this. They adviced my partner to be more sensitive (we're the same age, just over 20yo).
After patching back, i started to question if not breaking up was the right decision. I do kind of hate myself for how easily i gave in. My partner wants everything to go back to the way it normally is but i told him that i cant see our relationship to be the same as it used to.
Am i wrong for questioning my decision? Does the fact that me adding this thread indicates that i do actually want to break up?
@nothingmuchjusttrying
The judgement of others on superficial things gets very old. This IMO does not change until they see for themselves that some instances are not a result of bad choices.
Being called out on it ......even if he said sorry or he will change. .....it takes more then that to really change a mind frame. I think you KNOW that.... you are wondering how long until the same thing comes up. Maybe even other things you are both young and maybe his views will change. My guess is you will not forget his past comments.
It is ok for you to say "hey i really do not think this is working" and break up....
far too many IMO stay when a disagreement ends into someone promising to change even when we know that may not happen. Just because you agreed to try again... you have the ability to change your mind too.
Heyy, thank you so much for your comment. I really needed to hear that i can still change my mind, i dont know why i felt obliged to stick to my decision. Whatever you said is true. I am wondering when he'll make the same comments and jokes. I've told my partner that i dont know how i can trust him.
During my reflection i tried looking at my relationship from a third person's point of view, it looked shameful.
If my friend had told me that their partner didnt respect their family, i wouldve told them to dropped the relationship. I'm ashamed that I'm a hypocrite and also ashamed that it took me so long to realise this issue.
@nothingmuchjusttrying
Nothing to be ashamed of we do make exceptions we may have never thought we would.
Maybe in reality you did not see all the things like your difference in views before this became a problem. TRUST is earned not just given in my opinion.
Update
We broke up, i initiated it. He said it was sudden and that i gave him false hope the past few days (which i agree and felt sorry). He said he still believes that we couldve made it work and that he still wants to keep his end of the promise (which is to continue fighting for us).
When we broke up, i felt sad (which is normal, I'll miss the good moments we had) but i also felt a huge relief off my shoulders. I dont know if its right of me to feel that way. After some reflecting I think i felt relieved because this relationship has been mentally and emotionally challenging for quite some time. What sadden me the most was when he asked me if i was ready to throw away our future plans. We talked about going on our first overseas trip and also about settling down with each other.
During our conversation he opened up that he was feeling tired too. He works full time and is also taking his degree part time. That's when i knew that being in a relationship is the last thing we both need right now. I do a 12 hours shift work and worrying about a relationship is not something i need so i was quite certain about breaking up.
Am i an *** for feeling relieved about breaking up? He still wants to talk and continue fighting for us but i feel quite apathetic about it. Is that wrong of me?