I don’t know if I should breakup with my girlfriend.
We’ve been together 6 months now. Over the past few months I’ve asked her to do things for me, and all I’ve asked is that every now and then she shows me loving over text, which time and time again she has not done that despite me doing everything in my power to make her feel loved. Recently I have not been in a very good mental state but even while I’ve been spiralling I’ve been doing what she wants me to do for her to feel loved. I’ve not gotten any of that. I’ve asked her like 5 times at this point and every time she says “I’m not good with words but I will if that’s what you want” then proceeds to not do the very little I ask of her. I know this stems from my insecurity but it shows me that when I’m not my best she won’t try. What do you guys think?
@FDawg
Do you think it is possible she has been more of a receiver type of a person than a giver, or someone unable to reciprocate your care?
I believe there are many ways of showing affection. If someone is not very good at writing, one touch of a hand, one look, one word, or one phone call at the right time can mean a lot.
Do you think she fails to show you she cares in a very specific way that you expect from her (like writing), or might be just too passive at all?
I just don’t feel cared for at all. And as you said she doesn’t have to show affection to me via messaging but I know she’s getting an A in English so it feels kind of ironic that she’s succeeding at this but can’t be arsed to use any of that with me. I know she’s a receiving but I don’t think being a receiver gives anyone the right to not put energy into their boyfriend who is clearly going through a rough time. And I feel like I do a lot for her and all I need to keep that energy is a little love over messages.
@FDawg
I think you will know when you need to let go.... Honestly people will talk of different ways of showing affection etc.. That may be fine if you had NOT spoke up and told her exactly what you wanted or needed. If she was serious about you. she would try even if it not something they feel they are good at. If the feelings are there she would go out of her comfort zone to do it ....even if it came out as awkward.
You may need to examine if this is worth investing your time, energy, and feelings if she is not progressing in her feelings towards you.
I really love her but I don’t think I can keep it up. I’ll tell her one more time but if she persists in not doing the very little I ask for then I guess that’s it. Thank you so mucu
Hey man i was struggling with similar
Can I ask does she show you effort and care in other ways than text messages.
If she doesn't then I'm not sure why you're still this relationship because she doesnt care/ love you.
The only criticism I have is the way you communicated on this message you seem to take a transactional element of you trying to make her feel love with only intent of getting it back. You can't make some one love you. Love should be given freely.
You need to have a talk . Talk about your feelings and why you feel the way you to do her. Say in the nicest non judging way that you don't feel loved in this relationship but despite you loving her you can't remain in this relationship like this . Id give her chance of hasn't fully understood this before and if she makes an effort great but if she doesn't then she doesn't care enough to try so end of relationship.
You deserve to be loved . All the best
Thank you so much that’s very insightful. I guess I do see it as transactional I guess I’ll figure out how to change that. Just meant it as a point of even when I’m at my lowest I still give her what she wants but she doesn’t show me what I want no matter what state I’m in. I talked to her about it and she said she was sorry but this is the last time I’m asking and if she doesn’t I’ll probably break up with her. Thank you very much
I could be wrong and it's hard to get context on a black and white message but that's how it came across a little.
Sound like you are genuine guy and would hate to see anyone in a one sided relationship as it hurts and gets you no where. You just end up losing parts of yourself and wondering at the end was I enough and no one needs to question their own worth .
Hope it works out as you want.