I don't know my husband anymore
I'll try to make this as short as possible, I promise.i. 'I am Brazilian, my husband is American and we have been married for 14 years, we have a 9 yo daughter who's the best child on earth. My husband and I used to be best friends. 5 years ago his mom died and he gradually, since then, has become a different person. First he started hoardering stuff, then drinking, missing work, taking meds and not telling me about them. Recently I found porn stuff on his phone and he swore that they were a product of some torrent site where he was downloading something else and swore that he has never ever looked at that kind of content. He isn't drinking nor hoardering anymore, but he's been taking alprazolam + sertralina for anxiety and is basically a zombie. He is basically unemployed (workings some gigs) and I am financially responsible for our household. He isnt capable of keeping up with appointments, things related to our daughter's school... I love him, but after so many lies and disappointments, I'm thinking that it's best to get a divorce. I have talked to him about that. He cried and said he would prefer to die than to be apart. When I gave him another chance though, nothing changed. He continues as complacent as before. It seems like he would just sleep all day long if I let him. He says he is extremely worried about our financial situation but is moving very slowly towards finding a new job. My daughter loves him (despite him being a sloppy parent). I believe she is the only reason why I'm still stuck with this man. I know she will suffer if we break up, but I've reached my breaking point. I'm getting old and sick from stress and, again, he doesn't seem to care that much. What should I do? Please pray for me!
@danikacs Hugs you. It sounds like he's seeing you as his mom. I pray for you. I know you can divorce, even though you talked to him.
@danikacs
I am sorry you have to deal with this. I feel a big emotional upheaval can cause anyone to spiral He is not dealing with it well and will never understand his spiral almost affected you and your daughter too.
Like anyone else taking substances he needs to face he has a problem and maybe talk to a counselor or therapist. we cannot change them it has to come from withing them to stick. people will promise to change try and slip back until they are taking steps for themselves.
In the meantime, they do not see that the losing job and unable to help you takes a toll the lies and setbacks although he could possibly fix, distrust and even anger about all the time past while he was zombie like is like a stain. I let too much time go in my marriage believing they would try harder only to be disappointed again and again. tell him straight ... get help to be able to step up or get out.
@danikacs
I admire your strength in carrying so much on your shoulders. You have been trying to support your husband for years while also caring for your daughter and managing the household. Losing his mother may have affected him deeply, but that doesn't mean you have not been experiencing stress, disappointment, and loneliness. You have already given him chances and communicated your concerns. It is understandable that you feel exhausted. Whatever decision you make, please remember that you and your well-being matter. I hope the difficulties your family is facing settle with time and that peace returns to your home.
@danikacs Losing loved ones can take a large toll on some people. Based on what you have said that your husband has been doing, it's understandable to feel that you don't know him anymore. It shows strength and compassion to have supported the household all this time, and to have given him at least one extra chance. It can be exhausting facing this for so long. Don't be afraid to do what you think is best in your situation. 💌