I feel alone in my relationship
I feel really alone and I don’t know where else to go. I even made a new email just to post this because I don’t have anyone to talk to it might be a long post so I’m sorry I’m new here and don’t really know how things work here .
My boyfriend has become distant and dry He still says sweet things sometimes usually when we’re going to sleep or when he’s out but when it comes to actual conversation it feels like I’m talking to a wall he doesn’t ask questions or try to keep the conversation going I’m always the one reaching out and putting in effort.
He wasn’t like this before he used to want to talk to me and spend time with me now it feels like everything I do annoys him.
Over time, I also realized how much I let things slide he made me lose my friends he would block them tell me to delete apps we talked on and give me “me or them” treatment I love him and thought it was just anger and that he would stop once he saw how much it hurt me but it went on for months eventually I have no one left.
I live with a strict religious family I’m 19 finished school and I’m not allowed to go out alone If my family finds out I’m dating I’d be in serious trouble So I’m very lonely and he is the only person I have.
When he started saying he was “busy” or “tired” and stopped talking to me that much I tried to be understanding I told him I was there for him thinking it would be just a few days till he gets better But it wasn’t a few days it became over a month of distance with just occasional attention It messed me up badly.
He goes out with his friends for hours while I sit alone I put him first and now I regret losing everything else When I explain why making friends is hard for me he would basically say that it’s my problem and that he can make friends easily.
Now whenever I try to explain how lonely I feel and that I want him to reach out to me as well he says I only come to argue I’m exhausted anxious and feel desperate for connection all I wanted was effort and to feel like I matter.
I don’t know what to do anymore.
I feel really alone and I don’t know where else to go. I even made a new email just to post this because I don’t have anyone to talk to it might be a long post so I’m sorry I’m new here and don’t really know how things work here .
@quickwittedTurtle8207
I'm really sorry to hear that you are struggling so much.
Your bf never had any right to tell you to stop talking to people or delete things off your phone.
Isolate you but then go out with his friends all the time.
Double standards.
And it wasn't right to trivialise your not being able to make friends.
We cannot get all we need from one person in this life but at the very least, your bf could give you support, fine and attention and make you feel wanted.
You have a bf, and are lonelier than ever.
Relationships are about fun, connection, having each others back.
I'm sorry, but I think you deserve better and this relationship is not adding any value to your life.
You deserve someone who makes you happy not inconvenient 💚
@Amanda84 thank you so much for taking your time to listen to me it really means a lot to me 💗!
all though you are right but when it comes to reality it’s much harder to leave hoping for a change one day but I don’t think im ready to be completely alone
@quickwittedTurtle8207
I respect that completely , and it's a pleasure to listen, but promise me, you won't ever be made me believe he loses nothing if he loses you, he loses plenty, your presence, your kindness, your heart, don't ever , no matter what you decide and I'll back you, let any man gaslight you into thinking they deserve more 💚
@Amanda84 aww you are so sweett 🥲🥹💗
I took a step back from him and focusing on myself completely and try not to make him the center of my world after thinking and calming down even if it was hard there’s more for me then losing myself for someone that didn’t even bother so for now I’m doing so much better thank you so much i wouldn’t have felt this confident and secured without you guys 💗!!
@quickwittedTurtle8207
You so deserve to feel better, happy for you 💚
@quickwittedTurtle8207
i am sorry you are dealing with this.
This is bait and switch he was all talking and caring until he had you hooked. he counted on your need to keep it secret and your being young to not know this behavior.
His cutting you off from friends and others is a way so you feel trapped or stuck... he will gaslight and be sweet if he feels he is losing his control. As long as you act worried and trying everything to appease him, he will go lower and ask more and more from you. That is not love or a healthy relationship.
Run do not just walk away from him. connect with old friends and maybe even tell a trusted family member. when they know you can see them for what they are anger will show.
@toughTiger6481 hi thank you for reading and taking your time 💗
I’m sadly put in a tough spot where I have love him despite all of this and being alone I sadly can’t connect with friends due to what happened apart of me feels a shamed and embarrassed to even come back I tried talking to them multiple times and it got ruined I can’t tell family members due to religion and culture I would get blamed so for now I only have this place to get what’s on my chest
thank you again 💗
@quickwittedTurtle8207 hi there, I completely understand how that feels. No matter what age your are or how long you have been in a relationship for, nobody has the right to tell you who you can or cant talk to. I understand how lonely that is. I have been with my boyfriend for 9 years now and he has driven away any and all friends I had. I work for him at his company and I am with him 99% of the day, every day, yet he gets upset if I want to go visit family because it takes time away from him.
Nobody has the right to control you like that. I understand wanting the connection back especially when that was all you had, but sometimes it just isn't worth it. Having your friends, your sanity, and your happiness back is priceless.
I know this probably isn't what you want to hear, but I would let go and move on from him. Those behaviors only get worse over time. You can never please people who are controlling like that. The "goalpost" is always moving; meaning that for example if you quit talking to person A and B, they suddenly also don't want you talking to person C or D. Or if they want to spend Thursdays and Saturdays with you and you change your schedule to make that happen, now they suddenly want Monday-Saturday. It's just never good enough.
Please put all of your love, effort and energy into first and foremost yourself, and eventually into someone who actually deserves it.
@HazelOlive98 I’m sorry you went through similar thing !💗
i understand leaving him might be better but it’s hard i did try to leave him before he wasn’t pleased and said that i was using him and manipulating him when really i was just hurting to the point i lost myself completely
if he loses me he loses nothing he still have the same life before me but if i lose him im completely alone with no friends or family
apart of me doesn’t feel like giving up the boy that once wanted me but in all everyone in here are such sweet hearts thank you for listening to me and helping means a lot to me 💗
Same here
I’m sorry you are going through the same thing I’m doing a bit better now if you would like we can talk about it and maybe we can help each other ?
if not here’s what I did and it helped me I’m not asking or begging for anything from him I stoped reaching first and let him do the work and there’s three outcomes to this
1:they realize their mistakes apologize and try to change to build healthier relationship
2:they apologize and don’t really change they just want to keep you around
3:they don’t reach out or do anything your absences doesn’t move anything in them and the relationship ends
Whatever the outcome might be even if loneliness or having to start over again seems terrifying especially if you still love that someone you eventually would get tired from putting all the effort into someone that doesn’t
if they wouldn’t change or work the relationship they don’t deserve you to fight for them in the beginning
I hope you will be okay and I’m sorry you are going through it it’s really hard I wish you the best !<3
Same here
Same here