I feel like I’m being pushed into something I never wanted
Hi everyone,
I just need to let this out somewhere because I feel like I’m completely alone in this.
A man proposed to me through my father’s friend. From the start, I had this strong gut feeling — something didn’t feel right. I didn’t know him, and everything I learned about him made me even more unsure. I tried to explain to my family that I wasn’t comfortable, but no one really listened. They just kept pushing me, telling me it was the right time, the right man, and that I’m lucky.
Eventually, I gave in to the pressure. I thought if I added certain conditions, he would say no. But he accepted. And now, they all think I agreed and I’m okay with this — even though I’m not.
Tomorrow is the “engagement meeting” — and I’m expected to smile, act fine, and go along with everything. But I feel like I’m dying inside. I can’t talk to anyone about this. Every time I try to express how I feel, they say I’m being dramatic or ungrateful.
I didn’t expect this part of my life — the part that’s supposed to be happy and full of love — to feel like mourning. I just wanted peace, freedom, and the right to choose my own path. But it feels like no one cares what I really want.
Please… if anyone has been through something like this, or has any advice, I’d really appreciate it. I’m not looking for judgment, just a space to be heard.
Thank you for reading.
@iixic
No judgement at all.
I can see your pain and I understand in many cultures arranged marriages work and are great for a lot of people and alot of reasons but ultimately you don't have to be greatful, you need to want it, you need to be happy, I can see how hard it must be to speak up, you need to ask yourself can you see yourself living luke this? And falling for him and making a go if it? And if not, as hard as it is, you need to speak your mind. I genuinely hope things work out as you want them to 💕💜
Thank you so much! I really don’t want this to happen because I know that this is not the right person for me.
@iixic
As hard as it may be, you need to tell them that 💕💜
I did but nothing changed
@iixic it sounds like you really don’t want this relationship and want to get out of it
@iixic
Thank you for your courage in sharing this. First, I want to acknowledge what you’re going through: this is not an overreaction. What you’re describing — the dismissal of your feelings, the pressure to comply, and the loss of your voice in a deeply personal decision — is not just painful, it's a form of emotional abuse and manipulation.
"Every time I try to express how I feel, they say I’m being dramatic or ungrateful."
This is classic gaslighting. It’s designed to make you doubt your own instincts and silence your right to say no. Your discomfort is real. Your inner voice — the one that felt something was wrong from the beginning — deserves to be heard, respected, and protected.
Being forced into a relationship, especially one you didn’t choose, can lead to long-term psychological harm. You are under no obligation to perform happiness for others. Saying “yes” under pressure is not consent. You deserve a life partner you choose, with love, trust, and agency.
If you can, try to:
-
Reach out to someone neutral or safe — even one person who will just listen without judgment.
-
Document your feelings and thoughts — writing them down can help you stay grounded in your truth when others try to erase it.
-
Remind yourself: this is your life. You are not ungrateful for wanting freedom. You are not being dramatic for needing peace.
If you feel stuck or unsafe, please consider speaking with a counselor or contacting a support service. Coercion around marriage is sadly familiar, but you don’t have to go through it alone. There are people who will listen, validate, and help you find a path forward that’s actually yours.
You are not alone.
You are not wrong.
You are not the problem.
Thank you so much for your words and support. I really appreciate it. The only thing I can do is to make him hate me otherwise it’s difficult. I tried to speak to my family members but they all gave me the same answer, that I’ll accept him with time.
@iixic
I really appreciate the impossible situation you have, even though I have never faced this exact kind of arrangement before.
I am glad you have support in 7Cups. Do you have anyone in real life, on your side? If not then you must continue connecting here online—and you must believe that you have been born for more than this. You were given the gift of life, just like everyone. You were given the freedom to choose, just like everyone.
Pray for the courage to choose the life you want. Even if the “engagement meeting” is already done, even if the marriage happens—you will always have the God-given right to choose. The time for talking is over. The time for explaining yourself is over. You never needed to get anyone’s permission or approval. God gave you this life to take care of—it’s time to take care of it.
I grew up in an oppressive family where I was expected to follow tradition and seek an acceptable wife according to my culture. I was already in love (with a woman from another culture), and I had to make the impossible choice: my family or my life. From your description, I do not think you have a boyfriend who is involved in your life, therefore I can see how it would be difficult to go against your family alone, but you are not alone, and the choice is still the same—your family or your life.
Please reach out … I am here to help.
Thank you so much for your words. They truly touched me and gave me strength. I really appreciate your support and understanding.
@iixic
You're very welcome.
I would love to chat with you but I have no idea how
@iixic
This platform is not easily set up to accommodate a separate conversation, but it is doable.
In the forum, “Peer Groups”, there is a sub-category called “Pen Pals”. There you will see members having “private” conversations with each other: they aren’t really private, they are just ordinary threads; however it is understood that people in the “Pen Pal” forum are carrying on dedicated personal conversations, and people should not visit or lurk about in these types of conversations.
I have only joined 7Cups this month, but it seems like it is a respectful place.
If you would like, I can set up a “Pen Pal” conversation.
Let me know … or feel free to ask any question you would like.
Yes, that sounds good. Thank you!
@iixic
Thank you!
The title of our conversation is, “Chat with @FaithfulScout and @iixic”, it is in the forum, Peer Groups -> Pen Pals, and it should show up toward the top of the list of messages.
You can directly get to the conversation via this link: https://www.7cups.com/forum/penpals/PenPalChats_2658/ChatwithFaithfulScoutandiixic_359038/
