I feel like my BF is hiding things from me
Recently my BF has stopped telling me when he goes to do things or who he is with. It was a major respect thing that I asked for when this relationship started and he used to be so good about it. He would always give me a heads up about where he wanted to go and who he would be around, but has stopped this past week.
I don't know if maybe he is hiding things or maybe someone, but it has been severely affecting my mental. I will be honest and say, I know what he is doing and who he is with. I always do. My thing is the respect that I feel is being neglected. I feel lied to and betrayed in a way.
For example, yesterday he said he was gonna go get some food and be back in a bit. He left and was gone for maybe an hour, but he wasn't getting food. He went to play games without saying anything with a friend whom I have mentioned wanting to meet (a girl) but he said isn't important enough for me to really get to know. It has been happening more and more recently. The worst part is the fact that I know and yet when I ask what he was up to or why he was gone so long, he lies still.. and I just don't understand why.
Am I overreacting? Is this not a red flag I should be worried about? I have brought it up to him two separate occasions that it bothers me and that I just want that mutual respect. I don't care what he wants to do or who he wants to be friends with or hang with- I was always okay as long as I was given a who/where/when. My point is that he doesn't care to tell me anymore and it feels almost shady.
@EmotionalCatt
The needing to know who/ where / when is so important to you and is to many partners but have you had a real discussion with him about his needs or boundaries ? How does he feel about reporting to you? Some people start out fine doing it then feel it is too limiting to them.
I feel many the who- where- when sounds like you are their parent or boss. I understand you might need this because of past experience but it can feel limiting to a person. IMO this can lead to a sort of rebellion of lying / half truth about where or who they were with.
Relationships NEED trust ... creating rules or expectations and waiting for failure to comply is NOT allowing them to earn/ develop trust.
Yes we have had a talk about it, and he said doesn't mind doing it. He hasn't said anything about it bothering him, etc. He just stopped doing it randomly without reason. I've asked if it was too much or if he was bothered by it- he said no each time.
I have taken all things into consideration when it comes to his comfort, as well as mine. There was no issue before which is why I don't understand why it suddenly came to a halt when he goes to hang with certain people or groups. It feels like there's a reason that he won't share, either to avoid hurting my feelings or avoid causing an issue.
I am very happy with him, and I was appreciative of him being willing to share his plans and stuff with me when possible. It isn't because I'm worried he will do something he shouldn't, it's because I enjoy hearing about his day and I like knowing that he is doing something he enjoys or is around people he has fun with. I encourage him to go hangout with friends often, I love when he does, that's never been an issue for me.
My whole thing is, it's ultimately a respectful thing that I feel is necessary for a relationship. It's not about distrusting your partner, it's about them being open and not feeling as if they need to hide certain plans or people from you. I never want him to feel as if he can't communicate with me in that way, which is why I feel the way I do currently.
@EmotionalCatt
I understand your concern....
If he truly felt it was fine and agreed then randomly stopped there most likely is a reason.
This sounded to me like a similar situation and they said everything right in out talk.... but action did not stick and of course they did not know why instead of telling someone up front they did Not really want to but agreed to appease. It is amazing how many lies happen when we want to cover and not re discuss issues.