I feel so anxious

@SheilaMarie I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. 😔  To be with someone to the point you literally feel hate or resentment isn't healthy. You love your kids and want to be with them and in their lives, so maybe you just feel like you have to stay together miserably for their sake.

But ask yourself: is staying together unhappily with a partner you hate really better than co-parenting happier apart? Children pick up and notice things. 

Many people toughen it out for the sake of kids until their grown. Many people stay together for convenience even when love is no longer presence. Some people just feel dependent on the other partner and feel they can't make it on their own. Whatever the reason, you have to make the decision on what you are ok with living with. 

I hope you are safe and free of harm. I hope that if you choose to stay that maybe healing and forgiveness can be possible between the two of you. I hope that things get better. Please take care of yourself. Best of luck. 

I agree with the previous post. Kids grow up with their care givers relationship as a role model. If that relationship is one of bad feelings and resentment the kids learn that to be normal.

I grew up never seeing my parents show affection for one another. I learned long after I had moved out my father had had a series of affairs the whole time I was growing up. I'm guessing my mother knew and resented it but stayed for the sake of us kids and because it would have been a struggle for her financially being a stay at home mom with 5 children. To this day 50 years later I struggle with showing affection with my partner.

In my opinion it's not so much what we tell kids that makes them into who they are but what we show them.

@SheilaMarie

         Staying with someone you hate is ultimately harder than many who stay for kids or other reasons. While kids do see and notice about the relationship it is sometimes, they see what they do not want in future.  Not all kids normalize it. 

    People who have not been in the same place in a relationship always make promises of being so happy after leaving. Because most who left and it did not get better or got worse do not shared those stories. 

Find ways to tolerate spouse if staying develop a working relationship like roommates. when it gets to actual hate, I do not think anything you have before comes back. I just know when I deal with my spouse, I cannot let the hate and frustration flare just know he is just someone I tolerate but I do not let it consume me.