I feel so trapped
My husband hasn't really tried in our marriage at all. We've been married 12 years and he's always just given me the bare minimum. He's never physically hurt me or cheated but I feel like I've been emotionally manipulated our entire marriage. I won't go into details because it's just a lot. He's never listened to me or tried to meet my needs and I've given him all of me for so long. Around 2 years ago, I wound up with long term withdrawal syndrome and akathesia. It was so bad for so long. It's gotten a lot better but I still can't handle being alone at night. It's like all the trauma from my childhood and everything just attacks me at night now and I get stuck in really bad panic episodes and have terrible suicidal thoughts. I begged him to start looking for a day shift job when I realized almost 2 years ago that if he's home at night and holding me, it helps tremendously. Otherwise, I really don't sleep. He just started trying a few months ago now that I'm already so broken I don't know if I can be fixed. He's having a hard time finding a first shift job. I've ran out of patience after trying for so long and getting nothing in return. I honestly would leave if I could but my mental and physical health prevents me from working to really take care of myself. I feel so trapped and I also kinda hate myself for wanting to leave now that he's trying but the more he tries, the more it doesn't feel like enough, and the more I realize he never learned anything about me. Am I being terrible for wanting to leave so bad?
@energeticYard610
No you are not being terrible at all.... it sucks the life out of people feeling trapped and like you somehow have to put up with the indifference because....insert any reason here.
It is clear IF he is listening and you asked for a long time and he is just now trying ... he may be trying for his reasons not yours..... I used to think i could put up with almost anything for a stable home etc but in reality NO it is too high a price to pay. I am much further down the road and hate each day that i did not either leave or insist on respect and his general give a HOOT about my need and wants.
imagine IF you found a way to get better and could move on with a job or something. would it be better to leave then?
Firstly, you are not a terrible person, There is no right or wrong to feelings. The way you feel is the way you feel,
However, a partner can give you support, but can’t fix things in your life.
If he’s with you at night will everything be much improved?
How will you life be better if you leave your partner? You say he is trying but it’s not enough.
If he’s not meeting your basic needs than maybe it’s time to move on. But what are your basic needs and what are his basic needs?
Obviously ,, there is a lot more to your story than you can write here.
My personal belief is that the only person who can really fix us is ourselves. You have the answers and you, deep down, know what you need.
