I’m a terrible person
I basically cheated on my
partner. In December I had texted a girl l used to text back in highschool.
Someone I met online. We texted and we had flirted that night. After that we never talked again. And in May of this year my partner found those messages and broke up with me. It was understandable, I fckrd up. After that we didn't talk for a few days. But when we did, I told her to come with me to Spain. She came with me for 2 weeks. Things between us of course were rocky but I was so happy to be with her in Spain and when we came back. When we came back we found out she was pregnant. She was scared, I was scared but we were happy. Financially speaking we aren't ready for a child but im going to do so much to be able to support her and our baby. Last week she found two screenshots from someone's close friends story on ***. She left me and
said I was disgusting and to never talk to her again. We didn't talk for days. I tried talking to her but she didn't want to. Recently this week I went to her house to help her fix her bed that I broke. She wanted me to go home that night but I fell asleep.
We ended up waking up around 4 in the morning and we cuddled, we kissed, we made love and slept together cuddling. It felt good to be with her, it felt somewhat normal but wasn't because of what I did. We've been hanging out after work and sleeping over as "friends" but it felt like more than that, it felt like we were together again but of course we weren't. I hurt her. The other night she asked me Willy didn't I just break up with her if I was doing these things behind her back. That if I knew I had something wrong with me then why didn't l break up with her. I stayed quiet. I didn't know how to answer that question. I guess a part of me wanted to say that I love her, I didn't want to lose her, I thought it was something I can stop on my own but I couldn't. I let that moment of lust win over me. She eventually just continued eating after I didn't answer.
Today she asked me again, but told me to answer her or l'd have to go home. I couldn't answer it again, I frozeeee. I felt ashamed I didn't know what to say. She eventually wanted me to go home. She hasn't talked to me since, l asked her to let me know when she was going to PA today to visit family, I had asked her to let me know if I can still go. She said no basically saying she wouldn't let me know. I'm sad and disgusted and ashamed of myself. I hate that I hurt her, I know we've had our problems but those are problems that just needed talking about. But now I really ruined it. I am outside right now riding my bike listening to music, but I needed someone to talk to about this, im sorry for saying so much, I can't afford a therapist. I don't know what is wrong with my head, I don't know what's wrong with me, I just know I love her and don't want to lose her anymore. I'm sorry.
@GinogHachi
in December something motivated you to text. Maybe the thrill maybe an ego boost whatever. did you plan on acting on it or meeting up? IF not the why may be something you can need to examine it for you not her. Was it fun but nothing would happen or were you thinking about next step?
I did something similar chatting/ flirting with someone .. although I was not caught and I do not consider cheating ....... but I now see MY why. That does not mean I could explain to my partner. How do I explain the feeling of being complimented and felt interesting to other person without just head nods and one word answers I was getting from partner. I spoke up and told them straight out what i need or want in connection and we are working on it.
I am NOT saying that is your reason just mine. Now imagine how you might feel if situation was reversed? what would you want to know ?
NO relationship is perfect. it is work to stay together.
Hi my husband cheated on me constantly during our relationship. He constantly seeks attention from time to time from other females- work, internet, social media. With me, he’s been a very caring man, but I caught him after we have kids and wanted to leave him. Since we have kids together and honestly it helped me to try restlessly to give him a chance to change like he claimed he will. But he always proves me wrong. I think he loves me and our children but I think he wants it all. He told me he regretted what he did but I do not think he really ever understood what he did to hurt me, he just knows that in everyone’s eyes, he’s done bad things. I always asked him, if you know it would hurt me, why did you do it at the first place? I know it’s a dumb question because he was having fun and was too careless about what damages it could cause to his family. My life is a mess now and I am very insecure when I am with him even though I can see that he’s trying all he can to prove me that he regretted what he’s done and only want to be with his family. I don’t know your whole story, and not sure what guys think, but if you really love your partner, it’s not too late to make an effort, but only do it if you really want to change, otherwise the best thing to do will be to leave her alone. You can message me if you want to talk about it, I feel you say exactly the same thing like my partner.
