@tallPark8348 hi there! What you're going through can be really confusing, but there's nothing to feel guilty about. Awareness about our own sexuality is something that can take a long time to develop, not everyone knows from the very beginning, particularly queer people who live in such a heteronormative world. So, it's totally ok to experience these feelings later in life, regardless of your relationship status.
You might be a lesbian, or you might be bi: it all depends on how you feel about boys. Do you still feel attracted to them? Do you feel like you have both emotional and physical attraction towards your boyfriend? And what about women? Don't be afraid to explore fantasies of this kind, concerning boys, girls and whatever gender may feel attractive to you. Your physical and emotional response to these fantasies will tell you a lot about who you are and what you like. Your sexuality is simply who you feel you are: you can freely identify as any orientation that you think describes your feelings best, regardless of whether or not you've had real-life experience with a certain gender.
Since you say you love your boyfriend, it sounds like you might be bisexual, but no one can determine that but you!
If you feel the need to explore your feelings towards women a bit more, and maybe even experiment with them, that's also ok. The ethical thing to do would be sharing your fellings with your boyfriend, tell him what this means to you, explain and answer any question you might have, reassure him that what you feel has nothing to do with how much you love him. He might feel like he's "not enough" for you, but hopefully you'll be able to share what you truly feel and help him understand that your love for him remains unchanged. As for how to deal with this from now on, only you can figure out a solution, together and with highest level of honesty and clear communication. It might not be easy, but neglecting your feelings is not easy either, nor it would be easy to lie or conceal things from him.
It's a long road, but you have nothing to feel guilty about. This is a very common experience and it doesn't invalidate your feelings for your partner or how good you are as a person.
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Thank you so much for the help, I've been having crazy thoughts about this and your message really helped
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@tallPark8348 don't worry, I know it's not easy to handle, your reaction is totally normal! Learning how to deal with this might take time and emotional labour, but you'll figure things out, and it's a journey worth taking because at the end you'll truly know yourself. Don't hesitate to look for support if you need it!
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Just to update you I've talked about it with my boyfriend and surprisingly enough he was very understanding of me, it wasn't an easy conversation but it was useful and helpful, we both feel better and our relationship changed for the better, not only we are still together but we understand each other better now.
Thank you for listening to me when I needed it.
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@tallPark8348 I'm so glad it all turned out fine! It seems like you and your boyfriend have a great bond and mutual understanding. That's amazing!
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