I miss her so much
me and my ex met last year in may (this was online, we live in different countries) instantly there was a connection and sparks flying everywhere, couple weeks later she confesses she likes me and i confess it too, fast forward to mid July i catch a flight to go and see her, everything is perfect, we had so much fun and even started talking about marriage, we were both deeply hurt when i had to fly back home, in October i flew to her for a week for her birthday and met her whole family, and we had only been dating for 3 months, known eachother 5. We all got on and she told me that they loved me, she came over to mine and met my family at Christmas where we were together for about a month, we were the perfect couple, we were from different backgrounds but we connected so easily and this was the first relationship ive been in, she had been in a couple before me but nothing that serious. Fast forward to start of april, she confesses she might have feelings towards her best friend ( the best friend is a girl, and yes she was bi before we started dating ). But actually when we met my ex said that she was 90% lesbian and 10% (my name), she also confessed when she had feelings for her best friend that she was polamoryous. So we tried a situation where we both could date her but in the end it didnt work so then my ex had to choose who she wanted, in this time of choosing she told me multiple things that she loved me, didnt want to lose me, to not give up on her, but yeah in the end she chose her because she had never expierenced a lesbian relationship, and she said the feelings were deeper with her bestfriend she didnt want to wake up one day and regretr v experiencing so i had to let her go. But i still loved her so much that i tried to fight and show her what we had but she shut me down all the time, and my thought to that was she is just trying to hide her love for me so she can continue with her new gf. Its been a few months now, and i was doing better but the last few days ive been checking old messages and tiktoks she used to send me, plus an *** note with a song she used to relate to us and it made me feel sick. I know what we had and it was perfect, my gut is telling me that she'll come back when the time is right and we can both be stronger together, but knowing that she is doing what we used to with someone else deeply hurts me, what can i do and what are your opinions on this? I can add more details if needed, just need people to speak to
@diplomaticFig1736
I am sorry you are hurting ......
I feel this is a complication in online relationships as even when we meet which may be short visits like a vacation type thing it is not our very day to day .... sure we may talk / text or chat but in the big picture it is only a small part of our day.... sometimes IMO people have feelings for their online person but the occasional visit and plans of someday can be derailed by a person there with them day in and day out...
Your GF is right that she needs to explore those feeling and not harbor "what if " and the road not taken the rest of her life. Maybe if you are patient this will not work out and she will come back and want to start your relationship again then it will be you making some hard choices.
Yeah the distance was never an issue, and her new gf is also from another country so they’ll be long distance too, my whole day used to be filled with her texts, calls, pictures, not a moment would go by that i wouldnt think of her, it was very hard to get out of that routine, and yes the times we saw eachother started at a week and then we started being together for months at a time because our schedule aligned, this year was meant to be the end of our distance too. We had no issues in order for us to move on, and no feelings changed, we both loved each other unconditionally to the end. And yes i understand the need to explore and maybe this was gods plan for us, show us how well we work and then put us on our own paths so i can become a better person individually and she can experience the other side of her life so she can see what she wants?
@diplomaticFig1736
I'm really sorry to hear about what you're going through. It sounds like you had a deep and meaningful connection with your ex, and it must be incredibly painful to see that end and to see her move on with someone else.
It's understandable to feel hurt, confused, and conflicted about everything that has happened. It's clear that you invested a lot of yourself into the relationship, and it's natural to have lingering feelings and memories, especially when you come across reminders of your time together.
It's important to give yourself permission to grieve and to feel these emotions. It's okay to look back on the good times you shared and to cherish those memories. At the same time, it's also important to acknowledge the reality of the situation—that your ex has moved on and is exploring a new relationship.
It's normal to hope that things might reconcile in the future, especially when you had such a strong connection. However, it's also crucial to focus on your own healing and well-being right now. This might involve taking time to process your feelings, engaging in self-care activities that bring you comfort, and reaching out to supportive friends or a counselor who can provide a listening ear and guidance.
Ultimately, you deserve to be with someone who fully chooses you and prioritizes your relationship. It's okay to hold onto hope, but it's also important to start considering your own happiness and moving forward in a way that honors your own needs and feelings.
Take things one step at a time, and be gentle with yourself during this challenging period. You're not alone, and there are people who care and want to support you through this.
Thank you for your reply, but the line about being with someone who fully chooses me and prioritises me, i dont think i see it that way in this situation, the best choice for all of us was for her to explore this side of herself, and so if we end up together again she’ll know that its going to be us forever, if she chose me then in 30 years regretted not understanding what its like to be with a women, it would of been a waste of time and unfair for both of us, so the fact that she has chosen her doesnt upset me as much anymore, the main thing that gets to me is the unknown of our future, even tho its unlikely she’ll come back, im so scared she wont. I dont understand how we can leave all we had on the table
@diplomaticFig1736
"I dont understand how we can leave all we had on the table"
This is always what break our hearts in split ups and divorces.
Why are you scared that she won't come back?
she was perfect for me, we were perfect together, i was her dream guy and she was my dream girl, i dont see how we dont get another chance, the love we had was what you only see in movies and the comfort and safety we had with eachother in such short time is so rare to find. So i know she’s my person, i dont want anyone else, and i never did want anyone like this before her, i want it to be her, and i know im going to be the person who will love and care for her the most but it doesnt matter if its not what she wants. So yeah im scared because i love her, and i want my future to be with her, i honestly dont want anyone else, so im just patiently improving myself and see what happens with time
@diplomaticFig1736
I can imagine how difficult it must be to feel so strongly and yet be uncertain about what the future holds. It takes a lot of strength to be patient and work on yourself during such a tough time. What are some of the ways you’re improving yourself while you wait to see what happens?
I am going to the gym and meditating and just working to get my money up, im doing it for myself but im also doing it for her, i want to make our relationship stronger if we have another chance and i can do that by working on my self love, and yeah if after time has passed we get another chance, we’ll be stronger than ever but if not ill hopefully be okay alone
@diplomaticFig1736
While I’m sorry you had this unfortunate experience, my opinion is that the best thing you can do as difficult as it is, is to let go and move on bc as long as you stay in this circle of suffering and pain and hurt you’re currently in, that’s all you’re gonna feel.
To be clear I’m not saying to find someone else unless you want to. I’m just saying to let her go, get out of that circle, and move on with your life. I’ve heard people say “He/She is my entire life, can’t live without him/her” more than once and while that’s a beautiful way to express how deeply that person means, it’s also saying that you’re giving that person so much power over you.
Don’t let this person have that much power and control over you. Not especially after what she did whether it was intentional or not bc she hurt you. So don’t reward her by giving her so much rent free space in your head and your life.
You’ve been through enough with her. If she comes back as you think she will, you can tell her “sorry you’re too late I’ve already found someone else” if you did or you can say “sorry I’ve moved on with my life bc I didn’t wanna suffer anymore after you hurt me”
Idk where i am in the situation rn, im moved on better than i was when it happened, and i know she isnt coming back, but for some reason i still feel like we aren’t fully over, so yeah i an moving on and im open to other people coming into my life, but until then i dont want anyone else, i still only have eyes for her, but im not letting that ruin my life. Im doing better now but i have so much love and care for her that i have to just do it without her knowing and from a distance. And i thought in the week that she left my life would be over, but im doing better now, i still hate that we cant have what we had forever but im living and rn im just existing. And yeah she never wanted to hurt me, no feelings changed in our relationship, the only reason we had to end was so she could pursue this side of herself and yeah it just sucks because i know how in love we were. And if she comes back i will take her, not easily as in going straight back into where we left, but as in starting over, learning eachother again , because i only want her, its only ever been her.