I’m too tired to go on..
Hi, I’m 21. All my life, I’ve never been allowed to express anything to my parents. Whenever I expressed anything (good/bad) I was shut down and sent to my room to ‘study’.
most of it was because my parents over expect. They expect me to do good academically and in every other aspect.
I’ve tried to keep up to their expectations. Many a times I’ve achieved things which has not been common in my age group but I’ve been made to feel like I wasn’t enough.
All my life, I’ve dealt with anxiety on my own. I’ve never been allowed to express what I feel and that’s made me cry myself to sleep almost everyday.
Up to date, I’m trash talked everyday, made to feel I’m not good enough, doubted what I do and when I actually do something, I’ve just been mocked for underachieving (but it’s not actually underachieving and I’m only realising that now).
a realistic option is that I’m 21 and I must walk out and live my own life. But how? I’m just 21. I can’t afford to stay out on my own especially when I have no job (my parents even made me reject an offer I had a year ago)
I’m just
scared
and tired
of what I have to go through every single day
I think I’m losing how I feel, I can’t even cry entirely nowadays.
i have a constant heavy feeling in my heart and a clouded feeling in my head.
i need someone to help me… please..
@brightAvocado1767
Being constantly told you are not good enough is crushing. Soul destroying. No wonder you are feeling down.
The longer you stay, the more your self esteem will be eaten away. Of course it is daunting to step out on your own, but you know, you are right, you achieve things. And if you decide to leave, my feeling is you will do just fine. No doubt it won't be perfect, life isn't, but you can live your own life, and that's something to be proud of.
Here's some thoughts that might help. Your parents are invalidating your feelings and opinions. Validation is really important for processing thoughts and feelings. I guess they don't know how to do that. Which sucks. But. You can self validate. Your feelings are valid and you should experience them. Just naming them can help. I used to write statements "I'm angry because....", "I'm scared of...." "Its valid to be angry". Etc. Invalidation by others leads us to supress our feelings, which does no good long term. Finding a safe way to express them, like writing them out, can be the start of letting them go. Sharing them in here in the forum or the sharing circle is another good safe option.
I discovered a Buddhist saying about how to handle unhelpful feedback. The suggestion was to treat it as a gift that you chose not to accept. An unaccepted gift remains the property of the giver. And thus, nothing to do with you. You only need to accept feedback that is constructive and helpful. This really helped me to avoid the hurt of hurtful comments. Sometimes you can just say thanks, and move on, and leave the thought with the giver.
I'm sorry that your parents have given you a mountain to climb. They also gave you a life. It's yours now. What are you going to do with it?
My suggestion is to take one small step at a time. It's not easy, but we can achieve anything, one small step at a time. One day you might just find yourself at the top of the mountain. It's a great view.
Best wishes.