I need advice
Thank you for listening. I guess I'll just start from the beginning. She reconnected with a childhood friend. I have some physical health issues so I can't do certain things and my wife loves working out and running every day and she found out that one of her childhood friends that she hasn't seen in 20 something years works out every day at the YMCA and so she asked if she could work out with him. I didn't see a problem with it. I met the guy seemed like a nice dude a few months go by. I started having weird feelings that something was going on. I asked her she said no l asked her. She said no about 2 1/2 weeks ago. I had a really bad anxiety attack and just had a really bad feeling so I went through her phone And found out that she's been just having an emotional and a little physical affair talking texting and they kissed a handful of times four or five different times which she allowed it to happen for a few minutes before she realized what was doing the first time and stopped him and told him that she was married and she can't do this. Well he kissed her again and this time she didn’t stop him and kissed him back. She said they kissed for about ten minutes on five separate occasions and then she ended because she felt guilty but she never told me about it. And I do believe her because I read all the text messages that she had sent to him. He said he was sorry for making a move on her and that he couldn’t help how he felt. She said this has to stop because she doesn’t want to lose her family and she’s being stupid and that she still loved me. But like I said she didn’t tell me and she misses him as a friend. So I don’t know what to do!!!
@Billy88
Talk to her.... i mean sincerely nothing off limits talk. No judgement but find out what was going on ... I do not buy into no reason it just happened etc. I have been on both sides of the situation ... partner cheated on me years ago and I have been in the spot where it could easily happen.
.Both times the situation came up.... when one of us was not there in some way for each other...
I was in a situation where i seemed mad all the time and took out my issues on partner they felt we were all but over.... I could see I was very hard to live with and pushed them away. Now it has reversed partner has health issues they can not do things i want to do....and I saw how easy it would be to cross lines. I have had an emotional thing but as my person is in different city nothing physical. If the opportunity had come up I could see really thinking about it. Although we had a talk we have not fixed things if we have drifted apart again.
IMO is not only seeing why... but fixing why. So many make excuses of "just happened" or such ....instead of saying the hard things like... "I love you but may have lost some feelings" and sharing the issues so we can work on together"...... or "this person supported me in ways you had not"..."I felt seen / heard or appreciated." "that has been hit or miss as we got too comfortable".
@Billy88,
she could have come up with excuses. Instead she admitted and said she doesn't want to lose you.
She came clear. We are all human, things happen. I understand you might think like "what if I hadn't gone through her text messages" but, based on what you wrote, she would've stopped.
Trust me, I've been there (ex wife having an emotional affair, long distance, still, and flat out denying it, saying I made up a story and me putting things out of perspective).
She trusted you enough to come clear. Give her a chance to be trusted.