I need a lot of advice
Im in a really weird situation. For a bit of context, Im 18F and my boyfriend is 18 as well. We’ve been together for almost two years.
I adore him so much and I would literally do anything for him, but he is so incredibly inflexible. What I mean by this, is that he heavily disagrees with me going to parties, drinking, smoking, etc, to the point where if I were to do any of these things he says he would leave me. Therefore, I have not drank, gone to parties, or smoked in the time we’ve been together, but lately he’s also been getting mad at me if I make plans with friends ( he knows these friends really well and gets along with them really well ). I try to invite him to these plans, but he either doesn’t want to go, or he goes and has the worst time even though everyone’s trying to include him and talk to him. But if I go alone with my friends, he doesn’t talk to me for a few days and only answers to my calls or texts in a really cold tone, making me feel really guilty for having gone out.
But the reason why I’m reaching out to anyone who’s reading this, is that I’m not sure what to do. All of the things I mentioned prior have caused me to isolate myself from family and friends and has frankly made me very depressed. He pays no interest to any of my hobbies, and since I have no one else to share them with, I have completely abandoned them. The depression has gotten to the point where I go to school, come home, sleep, wake up at 9pm, and not sleep until it’s 4am. I have lost a significant amount of weight. The worst thing that could happen to me is to break up with him, it would totally destroy me. But if things keep going at this pace, it’s not going to end well for me.
( I would love to get therapy or go to a psychiatrist, but I have no idea where to find one )
What do I do?
@determinedtulip
If you are isolating from friends and family to appease him it is time to reconsider. Many bad examples of relationship abuse and control start out the same way telling you what you can do and if you stray give you the silent treatment or such to make you grovel to them.
Same with hobbies and things you enjoy basically not supportive of your interests and such. No matter how much you think you love him it will never be enough. They want control of you and it is not a good thing.
@determinedtulip
The silver lining of this dark cloud can be the fact that you are not much into drinking alcohol or smoking - and they can both lead to addiction, or at least very harmful lifelong bad habits. I knew many people who wanted to quit smoking, but they are helpless about, because they started at the age of 18, 16 or 14. And alcohol is particularly harmful when you are suffering from depression.
But I strongly agree that isolating you from all your friends and family by your boyfriend is extremely unhealthy. Usually what happens afterwards might be abuse, breaking your natural boundaries or gaslighting. So it is basically a relationship red flag. It's like making you not his partner, but his property. And a silent treatment (instead of communicating and finding solutions) is a next red flag.
As for the hobbies, I cannot resist the impression you might be trying a blind alley. Why do you think you and your boyfriend must share the same hobbies? What makes you think he would like to listen about it? He might try to be polite or curious - if you are an important person for him - but also he has the right to be not interested in it at all.
Do you think your being in a relationship means getting rid of your personality, and your partner doing the same?
It was very difficult sometimes to find a person with the same hobby before the internet. But nowadays I believe you can meet such people online, even if they live in another corner of the world, share experience and discuss topics that interest you the most.
