Infidelity
A few months ago I found out my husband was having an affair. He told me about it, explained to me that a girl didn't mean anything to him emotionally, and that he was extremely remorseful and wanted to work on his marriage with me because he loves me. We have been and a lot of therapy and I think he has regained a lot of trust but so much is lingering in my mind. We have been better than ever. It's almost like the affair revived our marriage. But the issue I am having now is comparing myself to the girl he did it with. Like a lot. I think I see her everywhere, I think I see her car everywhere, I compare myself to her constantly. I am to the point where I feel like I have to initiate sex all the time. Is any of this stuff normal? I really don't feel like I want to continue talking to him about it. Because I do want to move on, but I am still so so so hurt by this.
lastly, I am pregnant with our third child and feel like I'm losing some sex drive, which is making me so so so nervous. He also had a porn addiction that I never really knew was an addiction until he started explaining to me the depths of his heart during the confession of the affair. So even though I don't think that he will necessarily cheat on me ever again, I have irrational fears of that, but also of him turning back to porn.
Can anyone relate to any of this?
@gregariousEast803
I have been in that place years ago. The compare or always looking around stuff IMO is normal but not helpful. The reality is simple IMO. If someone cheated it was not about the affair person being better in any way, it was simply how they felt in that time. it may not have even been about sex. I know what you mean about continuing to talk about it looking for an answer. I do not think he can give you the answer that will explain or ease your feelings. this is an explanation that i found that helped me
The affair is not usually a competition that one person wins and another loses.
It is often the result of poor boundaries, emotional vulnerability, fantasy, and opportunity.
Your spouse’s affair does not determine your value.
honestly i think talking about it over and over is your choice because in the end HE betrayed your trusts So if you want tot all about it with him you can and if he doesn’t like talking about it that’s his issue cause he cheated. The best way to move past something is to forgive it and sometimes the way to cope with forgiving it. is talking about it
Thank you guys I really appreciate your responses :)
