Intimate desires
I met a man online and we’ve been dating. We got to know each other for at least 2 months. He works a demanding job that he loves, he’s hyper independent, has a college degree, self-maintenance, has a good balance with work and leisure, and he’s someone I love talking about food ideas with. I found his qualities admirable. When I told him I’m abstinent, he was very understanding and respectful. Since we’ve gotten to know each other more, there are times when I have fantasies about us doing a non penetrative position just for us to be physically intimate without the full intimacy. I’m a Christian and he’s an agnostic/atheist. When we broke up the first time, it was due to our spiritual differences. Life went on, and I grew bored and tried not to think about him. I tried dating other guys, but none of them were like him. I still thought about him and I wanted us to get back together. We kept in touch again. We even did intimacy chats online and it felt…different. I feel like there’s a change between us. I didn’t feel the same intimate satisfaction in the previous 2 months. Instead, i felt this guilt like I shouldn’t have done the intimate chats with him. Maybe it was my spiritual side telling me what I was doing is wrong. Idk. I wonder if I’m the one whose changing because of my Christian nature and feeling the spiritual conflict. I do have secsual urges and I really have fantasies about being intimate with my bf. I just don’t want to make the same dating mistakes when I was in high school and college. My dating life was toxic because of ignoring red flags my exes had. I was single for 10 years focusing on myself. I do have the desire to be in a relationship and I stay true to my abstinence which felt right to me. I just want to actually feel being touched intimately and reciprocate it. I do self pleasure, but it’s not the same when it’s loving and tender hands from a loving person. I just want to honor my religion, yet i still want to be with a man whose opposite faith could lead to friction between us. I still want to be with him despite all this. He’s very accepting of my past and he’s a jokester. I still want to be with him. Idk, maybe I’m better off losing him as a boyfriend and would rather have him as a friend instead. Idk. I still want to be with him.
Honey, I get it hands down I completely understand what you are saying, but all I can say is opposites do attract. 👏🏼 If you honest to God feel so strongly about this man make that effort. God did not make us perfect, he is the only one who can be perfect. We were born to make mistakes so we can learn.
With that being said it's okay to want to be intimate,to want to be touched, to be loved tenderly, to have inappropriate thoughts and feelings. Love is a very strange thing that can make you do things you never thought you'd do!
Only God knows what will happen, something I keep telling myself is, if it's meant to be it will happen. If it's not meant to be it won't happen, we live and learn from what we go through.
I hope this helps you out some. May God bless you 🙏🏼
when we started dating, I thought maybe doing a sexual position that didn’t involve penetration would be a good thing. But then I started having second thoughts because I was worried my parents and friends from church would sense something is up with me. I guess, what I call it, spiritual discernment. I feel like God will tell my parents and then my church community will sense something is happening. I just wonder if I’m drifting away from my faith and God just by being with him. I don’t want to drift into the world, i still want to do this secs position (mutual oral secs) but I’m worried my church community will find out through spiritual discernment. I know I shouldn’t do it, but I really want to. My bf is understanding though and never pressures me to do anything I don’t want to do. I still want to do this secsual position just to see what it feels like with a loving man.
I thought about my bf and i having mutual oral secs and then I hesitated about doing it since my church community would find something amiss with me, spiritual discernment. I don’t want to put my parents through another relationship mistake. I do want to be physically touched though and just to be kissed and desired. My bf has been understanding and never pressured me to do anything I didn’t want to do. I still want to have mutual oral secs with him, but my religion is holding me back. I don’t want to lose my relationship with God, but I still want to be somewhat intimate with my bf.
