Is my “boring” relationship a good or bad thing?
My boyfriend and I are 19 and in college. We met at the beginning of March and started officially dating at the beginning of April of this past year. We were only dating for about a month before the semester ended and we had to start long distance as we both live in different states.
This guy is extremely kind and has been very patient with me as I navigate a bit of a stressful summer. He has no real major red flags at all. He has undoubtedly treated me better than any other man. He is not without faults but the point I want to express is that he isn’t directly causing the way I’m feeling right now.
I fully recognize that distance is hard and can be boring but I can’t help but feel bored with my relationship in general. I don’t really get incredibly excited to talk to him or call or facetime. It’s just something that happens throughout the day. When we do talk it’s always surface level conversations and sometimes I feel like there’s parts of me he doesn’t really know. I just feel like I’m not as emotionally invested in this relationship as I have been in the past.
However, I also wonder if I only feel this way because this relationship is stable. Am I bored or am I just not feeling anxious about a relationship for once? I don’t want to throw away something that’s good at a chance at something better. But I’m also only 19 and cant help but wonder if I would be happier experimenting with other people and other relationships. I’m just not sure what to do.
@sydneycd
You are very young ...you have plenty of time .... to sort out long term choices...
In my opinion boring only leads to problems. ..... one day you will wake up and the boredom is over whelming .... you may meet someone that is fun and makes you get happy just talking to them ...whose words can bring you out of a funk..... you hate the time wasted in safe and boring without excitement and thrills....
Excitement for most is in beginning and does not show up later .... long distance should be keeping the absence makes heart grow fonder .... not not in the mood for calls/ zooms texts.... sure down the road the excitement fades a bit and seems not what it once was ... but to start out boring ....why?
Then you look at the boring one you settled for... you begin to regret to resent and any feelings you have become faint and fade away....
@sydneycd, my quick answer is no. It is not a bad thing. I'm in a boring marriage, and I miss him a lot when he's away for work.
You are young; you may want to ask yourself, do you think you've done everything you want to do as a single person? <- important question. If the answer is no, then you can stop reading here and find excitement. Don't drag the other person with you if your heart is not in it.
A few more questions: Do you miss him while he's away? And do you trust him?
I would take a boring one anytime rather than a relationship that would give me a headache once a month (or every other month). Butterflies only happen in the first few months or years (aka honeymoon stage). Once you're in cruise control, you need to make your excitement. (For my marriage) We learned that we both can't read minds, so voice it out so the other person doesn't need to guess.
This is all to say: Do what's right for you. If, in the end, it's the wrong choice, then you've learned something about yourself. Learn from mistakes because this is how we grow as a person. Take care and good luck!
@sydneycd
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings so openly. It sounds like you're in a situation where you're questioning your emotions and the direction of your relationship, which is completely normal, especially at your age.
Long-distance relationships can be tough, and it's natural to feel a bit disconnected or bored at times, especially when the relationship transitions from in-person to primarily virtual interactions. Here are a few things to consider as you navigate this:
Reflect on Your Feelings: It's important to trust your gut and acknowledge how you truly feel. Feeling bored or emotionally disconnected doesn't necessarily mean the relationship is lacking or that there's something wrong with you. It could simply mean that you're craving more excitement or deeper connection.
Communication is Key: Have an open and honest conversation with your boyfriend about how you're feeling. Expressing your thoughts and concerns can help both of you understand where you stand and what you both need moving forward. It might also help deepen your conversations beyond the surface level.
Evaluate the Relationship Dynamics: Consider whether the boredom you feel is due to the stability of the relationship or if there are deeper issues at play. Are there activities or interests you both could explore together to add more excitement and depth to your relationship?
Explore Your Own Needs: It's okay to prioritize your own happiness and growth. At 19, you're still discovering who you are and what you want from life and relationships. If you feel the need to explore other possibilities, it's important to honor that curiosity and not feel guilty about it.
Seek Clarity: Take some time to reflect on what you truly want and need in a relationship. Are you looking for stability and comfort, or are you craving new experiences and connections? Understanding your own desires can help guide your decisions.
Ultimately, there's no right or wrong answer here. Relationships evolve, and it's okay to reevaluate and make decisions that align with your personal growth and happiness. Whether that means staying committed and working through the challenges or exploring new possibilities, trust yourself to make the best decision for your own well-being.
Remember, it's important to prioritize open communication, self-reflection, and mutual respect in any relationship. Trust yourself to navigate this journey with clarity and compassion.
