Is this normal?
For the past few months, I've fallen hard for my co-worker and we went on a good date a few days ago where he was giving all these signs that he liked me too as in person he was flirting and opening up to me emotionally. He also wanted to carry on talking to me after the meal ended. We message both inside and outside of work but nothing has ever gone beyond casual conversation except when we call.
The only issue is I always initiate or message first and when we're at work, he usually replies pretty quickly and it's alright. When outside of work though, I usually message first and he'll either not see it for days or will see it and just not reply. It's the same when at work when I try to bring up something serious, he just doesn't respond. Today I messaged saying it's up to him if he wants to go on another date as I don't wanna pressure him by being too much, since he told me he struggles with anxiety and prefers me to 'tell him what to do', but he hasn't replied so I can't get a straight answer from him.
All this inconsistency has been making me anxious and I just need someone else's POV. Is he interested in me or not?
@BlueSapphire24
Hello. I am sorry, but as far as I can understand it, the man has shown his interest in you during your one and only date so far and now, unfortunately, he is showing you at least a few red flags:
1) not initiating any contact with you first,
2) not reading your messages for days (!!!),
3) not answering your messages if he reads them.
It looks like you are the only player in this game, with him being completely passive (just a small talk, being polite, no serious topics).
Many people go for a first date, but very often there is no follow-up.
What makes the matter worse, no matter if he says "yes" or "no", it can make situation at your workplace more complicated, so maybe that is why he avoids making things clear.
Maybe I am not a good example of a man (too emotional), but whenever I started dating someone I was excited with any message from her and replied as soon as possible.
I can tell you a funny story: My female friend started to date some guy met online. She proposed him to go for a walk together. He answered with just two letters: "OK". She was furious and told him he could say "OK" to a buddy who invites him for a glass of beer. But reacting to her proposal his response should be at least "Yes! With great pleasure 😊". That was a good lesson for me how to treat a lady and how a real lady should respect herself 😊
@jacek73 That's what I think so too.
We've played a few games outside of work together and we have a laugh but it's light-hearted at most. He's also comforted me a few times so I think that's why I've fallen for him but maybe he's just being nice.
@BlueSapphire24
Unfortunately, the fact that he is ignoring your messaging while after work implies that you are not a part of the out-of-work world for him...
The sad thing is when we are longing for love, closeness, emotional intimacy we may mistakenly take any kindness for something seriously romantic. I am talking about my experience, but is yours generally the same?
@jacek73 Yep - I dumped my ex due to a lot of things followed by going through other personal things and I think the fact my co-worker was there for me made me see him as someone I needed to keep around. He's a good person but I recognise he's got a lot of flaws and he wants to work on himself before stepping into a relationship and i think I need to do the same. I'm just glad the weight is off my chest so I can stop overthinking and move on.
If a man really wants you, he will make it very clear and be upfront about it.
This coworker is being evasive.
Personally, I would take that as a 'No' and move on.
There's someone far better out there for you.
Sending love 🫶🏾
Yours sincerely,
fellow 7cupper
