Is this normal in a long term relationship (3 years)?
I am not used to the setup we are in with my boyfriend. For a little background, he works as a nurse and I am in a working-from-home setup as an online teacher.
Now, he's not sweet anymore. When we see each other, I feel like he's just forced to see me because I am his girlfriend and I have no friends I can go out with. We don't laugh as often anymore. It just feels like a routine. I would like to think that maybe he's just tired from work. I can't feel the excitement from him when he sees me anymore. But me, I'm always excited to see him. I feel like he doesn't love me as much as I love him because I will still be happy to see him even though I am so tired. I'm also thinking that maybe it's just temporary since we're shifting from students to working adults.
What are your thoughts? Is it normal in long term relationships? Is this how the rest of our relationship will gonna go? Is there anyone who went through the same circumstances? How did you fix this?
@littleSpring9413
Relationships ebb and flow during periods of changes there may be moments where one or both are not as fun or excited as we would like them to be. this IMO is temporary.
This can be challenging when maybe we are not thrilled with our work or how things are going in our life. I found being honest and sharing how we feel can help.
I recently did this with my partner as he has been a jerk since he was laid off and not sharing when I called him out on it, he admitted he is struggling with applying for jobs not getting called back etc and he had not even told me he was struggling or continually applying. I thought he was sitting at home expecting me to do it all.
He thought I was mad he had not found something. once we were honest, we could regroup and let go of assumptions.
I don't know. I tried communicating with him a lot of times and somehow, he sees it as a personal attack on him. We always end up fighting and not addressing the issue. That's why I am here. I could not get answers from him. I'm afraid this will be our permanent setup. I'm desperate to do something to avoid that but it takes two to tango. I can't do it alone. It stresses me so much.
@littleSpring9413
I just saw your reply. what does he respond? Does he have an excuse or an explanation or does he straight up just accuse you?
@littleSpring9413
Pushing back blaming or acting like you are attacking is the classic move to shut down conversation that many narcissist types do that. Al though we could label many narc type when are they are not.
Not only does it shut down conversation but makes you defensive to start again. So we walk around like on eggshells and get frustrated with ourselves. I did that for years I wish I could go back and tell myself NOT to fall for that. Talking only becomes COMMUNICATION when both sides participate and both sides learn from it.
you set your own limit if he will not talk plays victim and fights to avoid the issue ..... decide how long you will put up with it. or he can act like an adult and communicate.
To be honest, it's been stressing me out. Not being able to say what I want to say. I don't know what to do.
@littleSpring9413
Perhaps his job is more stressful than he is letting on .. or he might feel you do not get it working remote. My partner was not very supportive when I did remote like I had all this time to do things around house or I have been home all day.
Holding back what we want to say to me is like sipping poison making it worse each time. I did the wait for the "right" time thing...when he is in a better mood or not tired etc
I learned there is NO right time and what it did was taint my view of relationship so much we will never be the same. I wonder how it would be if I was brave sooner and spoke up.
If I could go back in life .....I would have told people how I felt.......... good or bad
I would not have let others shut me down by pushing back and I would know sometimes the items we avoid are not as scary when we face them head on
@toughTiger6481
I already told him. It turns out that he is thinking about our different religious beliefs and how draining I am to him. We're on the verge of breaking up. It's so hard and sad.
@littleSpring9413
I am sorry to hear that. it is always sad when couples break up remember this is a team effort or failure.
@littleSpring9413
how long has this been going for? and have you asked him/talked to him about it?
Being a nurse is really tiring, most likely he's just in a bad mood all the time due to stress. However, at this point of being in a 3 year relationship, u should be comfortable enough to ask him about what's going on and why he's acting this way. Meanwhile, if u have any female friends u should reconnect with them and spend more time with them
@intuitiveSummer7943
It's been going on for about 4 or 5 months. I think ever since he got the job. It feels like I am an annoyance to him. He admitted it though that whenever I yap, it is annoying for him. That's why I started pulling away. I was always communicating before but he saw it as being annoying. He told me that he's been feeling like that for a long period of time. That's why I'm always hesitant to say something now. I don't want to be annoying.