Is this okay?
Apologies if this comes off uncoordinated or messy. I’ve been in a relationship for nearly a year, so it is fairly new, but in that year my mental health has suffered more than ever.
I fear I have become little more than an ideal to my partner, a free, infinite source of everything they’ve ever wanted. I’m always caring for them, always listening to their rants, both positive and negative, and always showing them affection, however I receive none of this in return.
Admittedly, I do give my partner far more energy than I’d ever ask from another person. And I do this willingly, however getting a net zero in return is becoming quite disheartening, to the point where I do not believe I am worthy enough to have earned their love. In the time I’ve been with them, I’ve never felt I’ve mattered less.
But I do not know if I am allowed to fault them for this. They struggle with so much within their life, both mentally and from external factors, that I am unsure if I should ask them for any energy at all. I keep telling myself there will be a day where they will be stable, in which they will then be able to mind me in return, but I’m quite literally dying waiting for that day.
I would communicate this to them, but because of their mentality, I am afraid to bring anything personal of mine, or just anything at all into conversation. I fear anything I say will be misconstrued and used as a vendetta against themself, so, for the time being I am forced to remain exclusively their caregiver until further notice.
But is any of this okay? Should I have to wait for them just to feel seen? Truly I’m just uncertain, and I appreciate any input I can get.
@Scvcn
It is commendable that you're providing support to your partner. However, it's also important to have a balanced and reciprocal relationship where both partners feel valued and cared for. It's understandable that you're hesitant to bring up your concerns due to your partner's mental state, but it's also important to find a way to express your feelings and needs in a way that feels safe for both of you. It might be helpful to choose a calm and neutral time to have an open and honest conversation about your desire for a more balanced and reciprocal relationship, and see if you can work together to find solutions that meet both of your needs.
Try saying something like, "I've been feeling like our relationship is one-sided, where I give a lot but don't receive the same care and support. It's impacting my mental health. I want to be there for you, but I also have my own needs for care and affection. Can we work together to create a more balanced dynamic where we both feel seen and cared for?"
@Scvcn
You should speak up...it is totally valid to point out when the give and take has become one-way
in a relationship both partners deserve to feel being taken care of and loved. in certain times perhaps an illness or crisis one person may need more but that should be short term and attention reciprocated as the person starts to be in a better place to show care.
IMO some people do not seem to learn that and feel the continued one sided affection is Ok IF you are in a relationship with one of those types ... my spouse was like that and took a long time to have an even relationship and sometimes i have to make gentle reminders ...of that
I am sorry to hear that you are feeling this way about your relationship. I definitely feel where you are coming from, that you might feel like you're not worthy enough, since it feels like the duties that you have towards each other out of love are not mutual.
It sounds like your partner is also struggling mentally, which made you wonder whether they can be held responsible for treating you like this. That is a very natural and understandable question to ask.
Whether any of this is okay is a very complicated but also personal question. I feel like it's a question that ultimately only you can answer, since you are the expert on your situation. It can definitely feel however like you are stuck and unsure what to do, given the current situation. Could you tell me a bit more about the mentality of your partner, that is making you reluctant in order to communicate these feelings towards them?
@Scvcn
One thing I've learned, is in a relationship, you are not supposed to be solely responsible for ones happiness. But rather a PART of their happiness, and vice versa. Just like others have said in this thread, communicate to your partner. Do not continue to wait for the day. It won't arrive unless you talk about it, and make your partner aware.
