Is this sexual abuse/assault?
I tried posting this in trauma but my post was nowhere to be found. I’ve typed this like 3 times.. anyways:
I was laying down with my boyfriend and I was dead asleep I think. But I remember having my shorts being tugged at. I thought I was dreaming and having a sex dream about him so I just let it happen. (Sorry if tmi) I felt rubbing and there were noises.. you know.. when stuff like that happens. Anyways, I just thought I was dreaming so I let it continue because I was like in and out of consciousness. And I swear I felt him physically move away from me after awhile. I don’t remember how it started really or even feel him move towards me. I don’t remember if that’s all that happened. And I don’t remember how long after that happened that I woke up with my own hand down my pants with no recollection of what had happened. I immediately wondered how it got there. I had turned to see my boyfriend on the other end of the bed. And remember, I don’t remember what had happened so I just thought to myself “why is he laying so far from me? Why doesn’t he want to cuddle”. And as for my hand down my pants, I thought maybe I had done that in my sleep and maybe I had started messing with myself or scratching myself and it disgusted him so he stayed away from me. So I just pulled my hand out, turned to my side and fell back asleep. That morning I just thought “oh thank God that was just a dream”. But throughout that day, I kept thinking about it. I honestly couldn’t tell if it was a dream or not. I remember thinking to myself about waking up to my hand down my pants, maybe I was just dreaming about my boyfriend and was doing that to myself? Maybe that’s why he moved away from me? But I still vaguely thinking he was doing it but I didn’t remember since I was in and out of a sleep state. Then the following night, I fell asleep next to him this time. I don’t know how long I was asleep for. But I remember waking up and feeling him scratching my stomach, which we usually do for each other since it feels good. But this time, he moved his hands under my shorts, which he has never done. I was awake this time and I don’t think he knew that. But when I felt that, I immediately realized that the night prior could have been him too? I don’t remember and I don’t know what exactly happened. Thoughts??
@modestBunny3714 If someone is asleep and they did not consent to any sex acts being done then that would be sexual assault. Many times it can be a very sensitive subject, especially in relationships, because someone may not think it is sexual assault and the other person may not know that it is. Any sexual touching or act that goes against someone where they did not consent is wrong. This page lists all the resources for those experiencing a crisis in case you need. Please take care.
@modestBunny3714
i had this done to me, I was with my ex for 11 years and we grew apart long before we finally split. We didn’t have sex much but one night i woke up to him having sex with me I was so shocked I just laid in silence and shock. I didn’t confront him about it but I felt disgusting. It happened a few times and I would wake up while he was doing it. One night i pretended to be asleep to see if he was actually really doing this to me while I was asleep and low and behold he attempted to touch me I moved and he backed off and pretended to snore. I cannot explain how I felt about this. I also caught him under the covers inspected me down there with the torch on his flashlight. We are not together and the police know about this. Either confront him and ask or pretend to be asleep and see what happens that’s all I can say. I hope you are just dreaming about it though as it’s not right no matter if it’s your boyfriend or not.
@courageousPeach4846 I’m so sorry that happened to you. I don’t know what all happened to me but I know for sure I felt his hand down my pants as I was in semi-conscious state so I was still sleeping and thought I was dreaming. That is, until the next night, he was scratching my stomach as we both usually do for each other because it feels good, but this time he moved his hand past the seam of my shorts and was scratching me. I was awake and aware this time and I froze. I immediately realized the night prior actually was a huge possibility that it was real. He’s never moved his hands down that far. He always scratched my stomach and ended at the seams when we were awake. (This is still the second night where I was awake) He would poke at my belly button, in which I would usually be tickled there and hate being poked there so I usually react to it with laughing and trying to push him off. But he poked me there and I pushed his hand away first. He waited then did it again and I decided to try my best not to do anything, which is when he started scratching me and then moved his hands past my the seam of my shorts again. So I shifted and laid on my stomach and he tried to flip me back over to where I was laying on my back next to him.
Hmm I’m not quite sure what he’s up to there but I can imagine how uncomfortable you must be feeling right now. Maybe he’s trying to get you in the mood but surly you wouldn’t wait for your partner to be asleep to do that. I would say keep an eye on things and see what he does my ex completely denied doing anything to me it took him years to apologise to me he knew the whole time what he had done. And if you feel that uncomfortable sleeping next to him then try to avoid that if you can obviously that would spark a conversation about it. Maybe tell him what your boundary’s are and he’s not to cross them he touches you in those places when it’s okay with you only.
xxx
@courageousPeach4846
i feel like he does this things to see if I’m asleep or not because I’m ticklish when I’m awake and will thrash around trying to get away as I’m dying of laughter. So when I’m asleep, of course I wouldn’t do anything.
I’m sure it’s just all completely innocent, if you feel even the slightest bit uncomfortable speak to him about it he is your partner after all and there should be trust and respect. Maybe tell him about the dream you had and how it made you feel a bit weird and felt real. He might tell you exactly what you need to hear and then you can discuss boundary’s. If he is aware it made you feel a certain way I’m sure he wouldn’t dream of doing it again if he did do it. Xxx
@courageousPeach4846
innocent as in if she’s just dreaming? Or innocent as in sexual assault? It might be innocent if it was just a dream but definitely not innocent if he actually did that to her.
