Lack of sex intimacy

@NoSignal90 thank you so much for sharing this with the community. i hope you manage to get the best possible support from our community here :3

@NoSignal90

It is a them problem not a you problem.... there is a real disconnect when a person is not open about why they are avoiding or cut off this aspect in a relationship.  It is completely normal to be upset or even angry about this.   having intimacy is NOT too much to ask for and a deal breaker in relationships. 

I know of many sites dedicated to this subject in fact,,,, many people try to think of reasons why that can go way wrong ....... the always tired  i am having issues excuse only works so long since a healthy sex life releases chemicals in the body that help many moods/ and even health conditions. if it started so early in your relationship think clearly how long you can live with this or if it gets even worse.

some marriages and such go years without ... easier to deal with this issue up front NOW instead of it prolonging,,,

@NoSignal90 your self -worth shouldn't equate to sexual validation. You have to remind yourself and highlight that every day. When you acknowledge or can agree that your relationship wasn't crutched just on the basis of sex and was built on his love and acceptance of who you are and what all you come with, then you wouldn't feel/ think all of these horrible thoughts. 

Honestly, I don't think he's not intimate because of you. I don't think it has anything to do with you. I just believe that he is truly going through a lot mentally and physically. It's common for people who experience weight gain to be insecure and pull away from intimacy. You have to put yourself in his shoes as well. You seem displeased and afraid of him not expressing desirement, so imagine how he feels when he's vulnerable, mentally worn down and he's hearing about the one thing he lacks or can't fulfill. I bet he would also feel displeased. 

You seem to love him, but you also seem to have some built trauma of seeking validation. If you feel like he isn't validating your position in his life, because he won't be intimate than maybe find somebody is who is openly expressive in that department. But, if you want to stay, you HAVE to look outside yourself, and understand that people go through a lot. With everything he has going on, I'm sure it's a depressing and overwhelming feeling. Support him. Be by his side, and let him know that you're there, no matter what. regardless. He will appreciate it

I pray you guys work through it, i really believe everything is okay hun

@NoSignal90Sex is important in a relationship because it can help you feel better about your connection with your partner. There are many physical and mental benefits of sex in a relationship, all of them improving your overall physical and mental. Consider having an open conversation to determine how often both of you would like to engage in sexual intercourse and find an average of the two. This way, both of you feel satisfied. Open and honest communication is not only a main component for the relationship — but also before, during and after sex. Sit down together where you won’t be interrupted (don’t forget to turn off the phones!) and just open up the topic: ‘Honey, I was wondering if we could talk a bit about our sex life… here are some things on my mind…’”

It’s perfectly OK to ask your partner, “How are you feeling about how often we have sex?” At this point, it’s important to listen to what your partner has to say. This can lead to more understanding about what’s going on for the partner with a lower desire.

Just want to say I'm sorry you're going through this. I recognize a lot of the feelings you're having. This is not an uncommon problem.

I wish I could say that my partner and I have overcome the issues, but we are still struggling after more than four years in. My advice is to continue talking about intimacy with your partner. Be open about what it means to you and what role it plays in your relationship. It's an important piece of the bigger intimacy puzzle (physical/sexual intimacy and emotional intimacy). 

If your partner is struggling with depression, self-esteem issues, or other mental health related issues that he says are the cause, I really encourage you to try to get him to speak to a therapist or even a sexologist.

Don't compromise on your intimacy needs. I regret trying to just accept the situation as it was and pass it off as him having a lower libido than me. My partner and I are now in a very difficult situation where we are dealing with a lot of big issues; the intimacy situation was one symptom of it. 

I hope you can find a way to talk about it and find a solution that works for you both. You deserve emotional and physical intimacy in a healthy relationship. It's not seeking validation; it's seeking a healthy relationship. <3

@NoSignal90 Somehow I always mess up the reply function here. My comment is below. Just making another in case it doesn't notify you.. Apparently there is no edit button. 🙃

@NoSignal90

I hear you and I understand it can be hard to deal with the urges.

If you wanna talk anytime feel free to msg.