Lost, accused and confused.
My girlfriend has been traumatized in her previous relationships because of cheating. She have been cheated in her past 3 relationships.
I am always being accused that I am attracted and interested to other women when they are just caught in my visual perspective. But the truth is that I am never attracted and that my heart have never been swayed or shaken. I am an observant type of person, my awareness in my surroundings is high. She always suspects me that I am already attracted and cheating in that kind of action.
I have tried explaining it to her and assuring her that I am not attracted and I am interested. But anything I said doesnt go through her because of her trauma in her past relationship. I just remained calm and be patient with her always. I have no intention in hurting her and I have no intention on cheating on her and ruining what we have built.
Even in my work, my boss asked me to fixed the document routing app in the other office. Someone told her that I am flirting and attracted to my co worker who has 3 children. Her suspicions about be being attracted to my co worker grew. Even though I am not attracted and interested. We had a fight, arguments and we fixed it. I assured her that I am not attracted to co worker. These were a few months ago.
Yesterday, we had a fight and argument because eveytime I drive her home. We usually pass the house of my client which is nearly beside the road. I usually greet my client when I pass their house just for courtesy. My client has a daughter and sometimes her daughter is in front of their gate. My girlfriend thinks that I am attracted to their daughter just because I look at their house to see if my client is around so that I could greet him. Since she thinks that I am attracted to their, I assured her that I am not attracted and I am not interest. But it doesnt go through her. I told her that they are just my client and nothing more. I know thay she is upset and I am trying to make things right. By the time that I drive her home, I made a turn on the road so that we do not pass my clients house just to make things right and not make it worst. But that kind of action made it worst. She thinks that avoiding it makes me guilty. When all I want is to make things right. Im so confused on what to do because everything I do is wrong. I didnt think that avoiding would make it worst. I do not which is right and wrong.
I know that open communication is the key. But how can I communicate when her suspicions about me being attracted to other is much greater that assuring her that I am not attracted and interested. It feels like a wall has been built that no matter what I say, how I explain and assure her it doesnt go through.
I have commited myself into her, I devoted my life to her. I accepted all her flaws and loved her even in the worst situations. I dont know what is wrong. Am I the problem? Is being high alert, aware and obsevant wrong? Why does she always thinks that I am always attracted? Why am I always being accused?
@pioneeringOrange8006
I completely understand that she has suffered past trauma 🥺
It can be hard to deal with.
But she still cannot take it on on you or expect you to jump through hoops to prove yourself.
That's not fair at all.
Relationships need trust or they simply won't work.
Your feelings matter too, don't forget that 💖
@pioneeringOrange8006,
due to her past she has trust issues. As long as she does not deal with them, by getting professional help, she will reflect her issues on anyone she is in a close relationship with.
I know by experience how hard it is to live with someone who has unresolved trauma. It doesn't work out as the relationship will always be unbalanced, always be influenced by someones past.
It's not you.
@pioneeringOrange8006
Her issues of assuming everything is a possible cheating situation...will not fix itself she needs to deal with it. if the relationship fails it will be on her and her not dealing with her past. So many who do not address it and see that the constant assumptions and making up things is driving most people away.
I learned the hard way we cannot just make adjustments and work around their issues does not work sooner or later you will find self- respect and self -care will say enough I am not playing this anymore.
Can you have a real conversation and just let her know this is something she will need to work on. perhaps in many situations i saw like this a person does end up cheating thinking why not I will be accused anyway.