Marriage issues
So, a little intro, I’ve been married for over a year now, and my husband has insulted me and hurt me twice by saying in front of me and another person that he would leave me if I am infertile, he wouldn’t need me, and started laughing, it was honestly painful to hear that and i was wondering why would anyone say that if they claim they truly love you… the other situation was also in front of other people where he said that if a another woman approaches him he would not reject her… sometimes words can destroy your entire trust and you can never be rely on that person, in between i have caught him talking to other girls and stalking other girls. What should i do, i know deep down that he would hurt me again?
I agree, i need to take a step forward even though it’s not easy.
@mateaaa1
I do not pretend to know your WHOLE situation, only what you've written here. However, from what you wrote, this is a deeply painful situation, and your instinct is right—words like his are not just inappropriate; they are emotionally abusive and degrading. Being your husband does not automatically give him the right to treat you this way.
You deserve to feel emotionally safe, valued, and respected in your marriage—and right now, none of those needs are being met.
When your husband says things like:
-
“I’ll leave you if you’re infertile.”
-
“If another woman approaches, I won’t reject her.”
—especially in front of other people, he’s not just being insensitive—he’s humiliating you and testing how much disrespect you'll tolerate. This isn’t just hurtful. It’s emotionally abusive.
These aren’t jokes.
These aren’t “just words.”
They are threats wrapped in laughter—designed to chip away at your self-worth while giving him cover to avoid accountability.
What This Behavior Signals:
Conditional love - “You're only worth staying with if you meet a certain requirement (fertility).”
Public disrespect - Humiliating you in front of others isn’t a slip—it’s a power move.
Emotional infidelity - Talking to other women, stalking them online—these are betrayals of emotional intimacy.
What You Should Do - Only You Know What Is Best! However, perhaps consider:
1. Stop Dismissing Your Inner Voice
You said it yourself:
“I know deep down he would hurt me again.”
Trust that. That’s not fear—it’s your wisdom speaking.
2. Set Emotional Boundaries Immediately
You are not overreacting.
Tell him clearly: “These comments have seriously damaged my trust. If this continues, I cannot stay in this relationship.”
Do not justify or debate your feelings. He will likely try to gaslight you (deny, minimize, or blame). Stay anchored in your truth.
3. Seek Safety and Support
Talk to a licensed therapist—someone who can help you assess whether this relationship is salvageable or harmful.
Tell someone you trust (a friend, sibling, or parent). Abuse thrives in silence.
Begin quietly gathering documentation (screenshots, messages) in case you need it later for legal or therapeutic purposes. I am not sure where you reside, but perhaps there are options for you.
4. Ask Yourself This:
“If someone I loved came to me with this story—would I want them to stay?”
You already know the answer.
Final Thought:
You are not asking for too much.
You are not “too sensitive.”
You are not broken.
You are a woman who wants to be loved safely, fully, and faithfully—and that is not a fantasy. That is your right.
The moment you stop tolerating pain as proof of love is the moment your healing begins.
You are allowed to leave what’s hurting you, even if it once promised forever.
Thank you for the lengthy response❤️ It means to me, i just need the courage in moments like this.
