Marriage with different sex drives
I’m wondering if anyone has any suggestions for increasing a sex drive or decreasing anxiety around sex.
For some background my partner and I have been together for many years and we’re happy, but it’s clear that he has a much higher sex drive than I. I’m pretty sure I am a form of asexual as he has been the only person I’ve felt a sexual connection or desire for, or even been turned on by. I do enjoy sex with him but the problem is that I don’t really initiate sex ever because I just don’t think of it or really have a desire to. I enjoy the act, just I’m not sure why I don’t want to initiate it ever.
Some troubles may be around anxiety related to sex such as someone calling and interrupting us, possibly being sore or getting a UTI from it. Other anxieties as well and I get really shy around the idea despite doing it many times before.
It’s been making my partner insecure and I would love if anyone has any suggestions.
@TerrariumSnails3
Hi, there, so I’m a married person who also is aging gracefully I think, but I know the struggle.
One thing is that some of the troubles you mention can be remedied with some lubricants or other aids. Worth researching.
Speaking about any of the anxieties will lessen their power over you.
Since I take it this is your partner of years, I would hope that you can engage in a dialogue with them at a time both of you are calm, and discuss your differing feelings. This may also build intimacy, as honesty may be one path to intimacy.
There are some excellent textbooks that have to do with building intimacy in different ways. I will point to “The Art of Sexual Ecstasy: the path of sacred sexuality for western lovers,” by Margo Anand as one that is supremely non-judgmental as well as opening doors to communication on the sexual level.
Anxieties may be present, and some of them may be able to be dealt with medically (you mentioned UTI), but others may be calmed through some clear and sincere communication.
I wish you all the best.
Love and Courage,
Calm Rosebud ♡🌹