My boyfriend refuses to have kids with me.
So I am 27 and I have this amazing boyfriend who is 37. We've been dating almost 3 years. He has kids that live with his ex wife 15 hours away and he is not willing to fight for custody. Due to the fact he will be stuck with all the court fees and he would have to drive 15 hours to go to court and the kids are already settled in school there and more reasons I can't think of right now. Basically we only get to see them for 3 months out of the year during sumemr break. So I want one kid that's my blood and he refuses to have more kids telling me if I want a kid so bad to leave and find someone else who will give me a kid because he won't. He says he is getting too old to start over with a new baby and he has a vasectomy. He doesnt want to get a reversal because it hurt so bad the first time he doesn't want to do that again. Well this man dances with me in the kitchen and helps me clean without me asking. He gives me forehead kisses and knows me better then I do myself. I can write a book about everything this man does right. This man is a dream come true the only issue is I won't be able to raise a kid of my own blood with him. So my question is do I leave this once in a life time love and may never find someone like him or just give up on the idea of having a baby of my own? If I do leave him I will have to move 18 hours away to my closest relatives until i can get an apartment by myself and my 2 big dogs who nobody will take. And all of that in hopes I find someone even remotely as amazing as this man and I may even end up a single mother after all is said and done. I don't know what to do and I can't afford counseling and I don't know if i am making the right decision to stay with him.
@Hannahstarr1221 Ooohhh Hannah🌟, this is quite the predicament to be in. I truly can't imagine what you are going through or how you must feel. I would like to say please forgive me ahead of time for anything I say after this that might offend you. That's not my intent and I just want to offer you a different perspective.
"He has kids that live with his ex wife 15 hours away and he is not willing to fight for custody."
What bothers me here is the word *not*. You stated he is not willing to fight for custody of his children from a previous marriage. Please ask yourself: if you were to have a baby with this man, what would be any different. Parents should always be willing to fight for their children no matter what. It doesn't matter how much money it would cost or how much of an inconvenience it can be. Children did not ask to be born and they should have access to both mom and dad at any given time. Fathers are soooo very important in the lives of children.
"He refuses to have more kids telling me if I want a kid so bad to leave and find someone else who will give me a kid because he won't."
Well, this statement right here is incredibly hurtful! It truly seems like he's made up his mind and is against having anymore children. He's gone as far as telling you to leave and find someone else. 😢 Hannah, there's a quote from Maya Angelou that I would like to sare with you... "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time."
"Well this man dances with me in the kitchen and helps me clean without me asking. He gives me forehead kisses and knows me better then I do myself. I can write a book about everything this man does right."
How beautiful that was to hear! It truly is a wonderful feeling to be made to feel loved and cared about like that. It seems he truly has many amazing qualities about him. I'm so glad you have got to experience that! This is beautiful and all and it's great he's a dream come true... but still, he won't and doesn't want anymore kids. Ask yourself: are you willing to give up your desire of being a mother? He's 10 years older than you. He's already done the whole married with family thing. You're still young right now at 27. It isn't fair to you to give up your dream of having a child of your own flesh and blood with the man you love. It isn't fair that those feelings of yours are being invalidated and disregarded just because he doesn't want to "start over". How much are you willing to sacrifice for the sake of this relationship?
Hannah🌟, children change everything! And being a parent is a lifelong commitment. You can't force him to want to have a baby with you and he can't force you to change your mind. I truly believe that if children are or are not brought into the relationship, then there will be resentment. Resentment can lead to bitterness and whole bunch of other problems. You may be hurt that you didn't have the baby you strongly desired to have and he may resent having another baby. Children don't ask to be born. It really just comes down to what you want. How far will you go? What are you willing to tolerate? It seems there's no room for compromise. He's made it clear. I would say maybe revisit this again in the future, but who knows. I'm so sorry for what you are going through.
Please know that with whatever you have decided you can live with, that I hope that you are truly happy! I don't want you to live a life of regret. Ultimately, you know what makes you happy and that's all I want for you! Sending a big hug your way! Please take care! ♡
