Need advice, plz help
Tw: depression (A bit long i know but please if you can read please do.. 💔)
Hope everyone is having a blessed day. Anyway, i need advice.. because i am just going crazy.
Like holy mother how do i stop finding reasons to justify his cheating and him moving on? I already tried therapy. Like, I thought i was being a good woman, i thought i did everything right(or so i thought), i thought i was going to leave a good impression on him, i thought i was the love of his life and i thought he was happy with me like i was with him…. but i feel like it was never enough, I’ve questioned why, like was it because I encouraged him whenever he wanted to waste money on games and technology, or because I didn’t gave enough unsolicited s*xual acts? Or because i stopped wearing make up or make myself beautiful after giving birth? Because i argued every week trying to solve problems? I I’ve even criticized my physical.. like is my forehead or chin so big? (They are) or do i disgust him now? Etc etc…. keep thinking of every little detail i could have done differently.. and it’s making me be stuck in the mud.. he already moved on and i am stuck! Feeling jealous of her (for having him), thinking all kinds of dumb stuff like “she’s far prettier” “she won’t make him go crazy with arguing” “what if she’s the one for him” “what if she’s his soulmate “ “what if she gives him what we both wanted which was a baby girl” “what if she’s the one who he truly marries” or “was i the bad influence?” Is pathetic i know! and wishing he’d come back.. wishing i could do things differently a second time. It’s horrible! I feel so unbelievably st*pid and pathetic…. But i have never had a good self esteem, and now is beyond low, on the floor.. he was the love of my life and i am seriously struggling.. I can’t even find myself beautiful or consider myself special or deserving of love..
When i look in the mirror i see myself as his biggest mistake…. Idk if it’s the depression or trauma bond or what else talking…. I am stuck still loving him.. that man was my everything.. the reason for me to smile and feel happy, i would always be so thankful for even the tiniest of moments with him, i admired and adored everything about him from physical to emotional, he was the man of my dreams….
It has happened to me. Too I'm also a one sided lover. But the fact is that I'm doing far better in my life. U also can.
Yes I have also gone through the phase that is someone is doing bad with me even when I'm doin every best thing possible then it would be my fault in one way or other. You like him bcoz u have got a good heart. What happens is that when we blindly love someone we just don't want to see their imperfections. But it doesn't change the truth. Look what he did to you.
U r saying that u love him. My pet dialogue is that when I love somebody it's not about the one whom I love but certainly it is between me and my feeling of Love. Bcz u don't know what other person feels about u. Nor u can change that. U get a different world others have their own. I believe it is not the person whom u love is letting u feel good. But it is the pious energy of love that uplifts us. So it's something immaterial. Now get up despite the fact that u feel unloved there are energies who want to see u living. Live for ur child. Ur self. Thinking about ur physical characteristics is unhealthy to know how loveable u are. Go on, u will find some couples who are not rich, very beautiful, having imperfections but they love each other. This is love.
So it was his irony to not understand it all but u r able enough to embrace the universal love and wisdom. I understand, in bad times u start to sometimes criticize urself. But remember time changes. And these feelings are temporary. You'll heal in time trust me. Time is the biggest healer. Just stand. And look for examples of true love. You'll know it was never related to materialistic things like makeup, chin, etc.
So, the things are going to get better. Know that it is not whom we love is special it is about love who is special in itself. My love. Take care. And thank god for having food, comforts, and the fact that you are alive. Now live a life like a man full of life would live. Love you. Sorry if I said anything wrong. Go girl! 😍
Thanks so much😔💔 I really appreciate it. Was a beautiful message, i really do hope i can heal and stop feeling so damn guilty.. i really tried to be a good woman but i failed.. i guess i deserve this for being so manipulative, it wasn’t my intention, it was just me not wanting to live if he left me, which was so stupid.. he felt like he had no other way to get rid of me except cheating.. but i really tried.. but i miss him so so much and i wish he would come back
@LunaMothx
The WHY is not about you.... it is not about looks even. When people cheat / flirt of anything it is not about the significant other it is about them period...
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-stories-we-tell-ourselves/201512/why-people-really-have-affairs
" Affairs, at their core, are about longing and a deep need for external validation. "
The more you bend over backwards for him the less respect he may feel. Once you no longer show you will put up with it .......he needs to decide.
You need to love you and know you are worth far more then maybe he can show you in love loyalty and respect. it is not about physical traits as much as emotional connection feeling appreciated and validated etc
thank you for your advice, I appreciate it really. Well he couldn’t care less if i d*ed on the spot so.. i doubt he ever comes back or anything for that matter.. he only talked to me when he needed something from me like a favor, as soon as i gave it i didn’t exist anymore.. but.. i miss him soo much and i wish he would come back, but he is better with her since i was mentally unstable sometimes.. like depression and stuff, and i would say “I don’t wanna live without you” which was stupid i know but trust me i regretted it so many times i would always apologize every time i would upset him.. i really did try.. but he was miserable by my side.. he pretended to love me for 2 years because he was afraid of my reaction..
@LunaMothx
So many do this you are NOT alone ..... people often try to stay together to appease the other person or not rock the boat.
Sometimes we also idealize the person/ situation ..... after they are gone but they may not really be that great / or as we had in our head
i hope you find a person that will appreciate you for you not for what you can or will do for them.
