New to dating
Hi all,
A few months ago I got asked for my number for the first time. After talking on the phone & texting I met him for a first date and it went really well! This was my first ever date, but I didn't mention it to him and just went about it as normal.
After that date we kept texting every now & then with a couple phone calls. Until recently we met up Again for a 2nd date. The date started at a coffee shop & then we just walked around. It started well as we talked, but after a bit of walking I felt like I was just talking about myself. I didn't know what to ask him and he didn't always give very elaborate answers. I also felt like he was disappointed at the end, like he didn't have a good time. We didn't make any concrete plans during the date but spoke about other places we could go to for other dates. I also feel bad because it took so long or us to see each other since I work a lot & odd hours too.
I'm writing this to see if I'm overthinking him not being into it or if I'm missing any social cues. He did ask for a hug at the end of the date, which I accepted (We already discussed my personal touch boundaries), so idk if he was just nervous about asking me for a hug or if he was really disappointed in the date....
I really just needed to rant, but advise is always welcome!!!
@AnonymousSynonymous
How exciting to be asked for your number for the first time! 🥳
And two dates!
That's really very successful for a first time. Have you congratulated yourself on your achievement?
Probability says that you will have more unsuccessful dates than successful ones. Rejection is so hard. It hurts so much. But its well to remember that, in dating, there will be more occasions when it doesn't turn into anything long term, than occasions when it does. So part of sucessful dating is skills in handing rejection. How are yours?
Another thing that is key to dating is communication. Media often gives an impression that being coy is the way to go in dating. But actually, being clear can avoid lots of trouble. Did you ask "you seem disappointed. Is something wrong?"? If you didn't, you might like to think about why.
Personally I detest the phrase "overthinking". Because it is implying that you are doing something wrong, when you aren't ('over' suggest too much). Your brain is just trying to solve a puzzle. It seems you quite like this person, so, on the one hand you are probably excited and feeling good. But it also seems like you are worried and not sure what to do. These two things are both normal. But feel a bit conflicting and challenging. There's nothing wrong with that.
The thing is to try. It might go wrong. Statistics suggest it probably will. But in trying, you learn something so that next time you can try again.
So, congratulations on trying dating. And whatever you do, or whatever you try and whatever the outcome, you are doing just fine.
