No contact - not because I want to, I need to.
So long story short, my SO of 20 years has cheated AGAIN. I’ve kicked him out just like every other time. I want this time to be different. I want to choose me. Obviously I’m not the one that wanted the relationship to end but I can’t do it anymore. For those of you who have went no contact because you needed to not necessarily wanted to, what are your best tips for fighting off the temptation to unblock and make contact. The longest I’ve went so far is 24 hours. I have to do this for me. I have to choose me. He got the last 20 years, I get the next. I desperately need help because I do love him. I never saw myself with anyone else. We’re about to have our first grandbaby and I was so looking forward to watching him with the baby. I didn’t want this so it’s extremely hard. I have no friends and just my mom and kids. I need tips, help a constant distraction. Something because the urge becomes so overwhelming I go into panic attacks. Help please 😥
@oliveClementine9629
Do you want him back? or is it just what you know?
Every contact you start tells him you are OK with being treated badly. You do not value yourself so why should he.
It is not about you.. your looks or personality etc. i cannot see why women like us take it personally change hair wear makeup lose weight etc but in the end what is missing has nothing to do with that. maybe confidence ? A new person only sees what he wants them to, they have no idea of his past failures only he can be charming and sweet. maybe younger too. it is part fantasy too.
If he is cheating it is a him thing.... some seek attention because they are unhappy not with relationship but with themselves. Flirting or going farther with someone new they even we can reinvent ourselves..... They can pretend they are something they want to be.... they cannot do that with us.
I think that’s a good question. He is all I know. I came to where I live in 2002. In 2004 is when I met him, 2005 we hooked up, 2006 we had our first kid. I was 22. I’m gonna be 42 in just a couple weeks. So just about my entire adult life. I was never able to really connect with others and build my own support system. I feel completely and fully isolated and alone. Ultimately I think that’s what leads me to reach out to him. I don’t reach out to him and beg him to come back lol. I usually lash out and say a whole bunch of mean hurtful things that I half mean and half don’t.
I think that’s a good question. He is all I know. I came to where I live in 2002. In 2004 is when I met him, 2005 we hooked up, 2006 we had our first kid. I was 22. I’m gonna be 42 in just a couple weeks. So just about my entire adult life. I was never able to really connect with others and build my own support system. I feel completely and fully isolated and alone. Ultimately I think that’s what leads me to reach out to him. I don’t reach out to him and beg him to come back lol. I usually lash out and say a whole bunch of mean hurtful things that I half mean and half don’t.
Also I do want to mention, he does tell me it’s not me. He’s unhappy with himself. But stuff like that makes me feel bad then I want to suggest therapy and be there for him and help him fix himself. things like that makes this also hard because I do know he has to want it for himself. I’ve carried his burden for 20 years trying to be the best support I can be but I know it’s not enough. He has to want it.
