Oh the Irony
So, as i have said many times now. My wife has an ongoing online affair. Ive been "dealing with it" for a couple weeks. In the middle of a low tempered "argument" as a fleeting statement i said something along the lines of "so what are we gonna do then love, you wanna just completely open up the marriage, because ive had needs too" i hope that sets the context. Anyway, so i downloaded some apps (mostly just to pass time and distract myself from what my wife was doing right in front of my face(or secluded in the bedroom with the door locked doing whatever. Anyway, so i get a hit on one of these apps from a lady in a neighboring town like 1.5 hours away. We say hi, share some easy banter and kinda just BS about our marriages and stuff..really light harmless content. But now my wife is upset at me for chatting up another woman. Seriously? Omgfml this is absurd on so many levels.
@Ryan
Hi there, thanks for reaching out.
Two wrongs don’t make a right. It doesn’t sounds like any boundaries are in place, so you both need to be talking and looking at what you both want and need from one another?
Thank you, I completely agree. The only problem is that since her thing with that guy online started...its like pulling teeth to get her to to talk to me about anything regarding her and him (very secretive) other than i know they have a deep emotional connection, they share very intimate moments through their line of communication, they are telling eachother that they love each other, and that she "has love for me but isnt in love with me). If i try to have reasonable conversations with her about OUR new relationship dynamic...especially now but it was the same before also. All i get is "do whatever you want". Since yesterdays event where all i was trying to do was demonstrate to her my willingness to be open, honest, and completely transparent with her as i have been working exceptionally hard to just accept what she has going on with this man as she pretty much has demonstrated that nothing between them is going to change Shes told me to just "give her time and let things play out" as he has driven her to tears crying as he professed his love for her and wanting to be with her...but when im being open and honest about my conversation with this other lady...all i get is "well, now i know where to focus my head" and no real explanation as to what that means other than "its my head and thats for me"...fml its absurd...i litterally did not even spark the conversation and it ammounts to me just sayin hi back to the lady essentially. This situation is absurd.
@Ryan575T
hat really is ironic considering what she is doing.
Maybe she had in her head she could have both and now that you are making any sort of move/ discussion the fantasy is unraveling.... I think she is very confused. it is hard to tell ourselves this is what is happening. She may not know which way to go anymore.
This really sounds like limerence which often fades when someone tries to make real and many relationships/ marriages do not last.... even though the person in this feels somehow when they wake up from fantasy expect the spouse to be there waiting for them.
@Ryan575,
Toughtiger6481 already gave you a reply that makes much sense.
Having said that, what is lacking you (and I've been there too) is emotional connection. If you meet someone online and you seem to connect with that someone, I'd say, go for it. Go for a friendly connection, be aware though to not let it go any further, for the sole reason you are totally not ready for that. And be open about that to the other person, so they dont have false expectations.
