Pain or freedom?
Hi, I have a partner, we have been together since 2022, we're both young and we experiment a lot of new things together, the thing (superficial) is that we start the university, we are in different universities, happened something with some girl (maybe a micro cheating), it causes me a lot of things, I get to the point where I couldn't sleep and I wanted to die, I cried every night, he was feeling guilty, but he never told me about that girls or the messages they send to each other (I never saw the messages, buti saw how he try to hide the evidence that they used to send messages to each other). I become an toxic and insecure girlfriend, I tend to check his phone all the time, I don't justify my actions, but let me tell you, I really thought he was the love of my life, I still with him, because I love him and a part of me, feels like he's actually changing, yesterday I found he usted to give it the "Love it" reaction from *** to her stories, about the period they were talking and like that (that happened a year ago), today I ask him for all the truth, my head was like crazy, I don't know, but today, like everything make sense, he told me they used to have really fun time each other, he felt attracted to her personality, and he want to give some signals, I don't justify his actions, but I still feel in pain, it's weird to me understand that, I'm a little bit in shock, but at the same time something in me finally think actually that's true, just a simple phase, and maybe you think that's toxic, our relationship, but we show Improvements in a lot areas. Sorry for the long text, I maybe just needed to get out mi thought.
PD: Sorry if I have bad spelling, my first language is Spanish and I still learning.
Kisses.
@GustavitoElGato
HI there.
You write really well.
And I think you are right, sometimes we just need to get out our thoughts. I hope it helped a little.
I'm sorry that you are having to deal with the stress resulting from your partner cheating. I think your response to this breach of trust by your partner is totally normal and not at all toxic. It is totally understandable to feel insecure when you have lost that important part of safety in a relationship.
Of course you still love him. He's been a big important part of your life, and that doesn't just vanish overnight. Perhaps the more important question will be can full trust in him be regained?
There's a couple of clichés that might apply here. People say that when someone shows you who they are, listen. He has shown you that he is a person who can cheat.
And, if you wait for someone to change, you will be waiting forever/you can't change anyone, you can only change yourself.
Of course these are clichés, you might decide that they don't apply to you or your situation. And that's OK. They are just things that popped into my mind as I read your post.
Your pain and shock are valid. And it's true that we all make mistakes and patience, forgiveness and good communication can go a long way in healing a relationship. But don't forget self care. Looking after yourself is also really important. You are important. I really enjoyed "meeting" you and hearing your story.
Best wishes.
