Parents late getting home=Panic attacks
Background: So I have a lot of problems with my parents. This particular problem I have with them been either dismissed, or basically swept under the rug for years. When my parents are late getting home from something, I start to have panic attacks. For instance let's say they went to a Christmas party and they either say "they will be back around 10pm" but they don't get home until after 11pm. Or other times they don't give me any time they'll be back and it's gets to be 10:30pm and I get anxious. I get so worried to death about them-I will even call wherever they're if I have the phone number and get told by the hostess that "they left awhile ago" which makes me even more anxious.
I didn't understand why for years until something about within the past year or two why I might be getting these panic attacks when my parents are late getting home from something-its because we have 0 plans for support for me if something happens to them. We only barley discussed because of an argument earlier in the year that I would eventually have to move out of the family home because it's too expensive to live here on my own. When I tried to tell my parents how worried I been they're would be like "Don't treat time like a doctor's appointment"
Story
So my Mom had a hair appointment today. It was suppose to be at 12pm. While at around 1:45pm I was starting to get worried because it's that unusual for my parents to be home after 2pm from a noon hair appointment. IT's just got worse and worse through 2pm since my parents weren't home yet. Since they had no phone with them I couldn't call them. I knew from experience if I tried to call (hair dresser) I would probably be told "they left awhile ago". Turns out that 1.Mom's 12pm appointment was about 15mins late and 2. They had to go to Costco on the way back because of Mom's hearing aid. But Mom realized how upset I was when she got home and was basically apologetic for making me upset.
I told Mom soon after what I think is the reason for my panic attacks is because we have no plans for me if something happened. She's still dismissive of the fact I had other panic attacks when they're late and "We have discuss this three times now" and "you weren't as upset those other times as today" or "You didn't explain what was making you upset" - I didn't know what was making me upset back then either!
@Amanda84
@Disneywoman hey...that makes a lot of sense,I think I understand what you're saying. Your parents leave,but they don't always say WHEN they will come back...so your thinking starts (What if something happens? Will there be anyone to support me if somerhing really bad catches me???),right? Not knowing what could happen and having a big mystery on something you desperately want and need to know is awful indeed,and it can feel worse when people doubt you or don't understand...so,what do you think could happen in the worst scenario where they don't come back home? Do you think you would be okay if you just knew the time (or maybe getting it aproximately?) or is this based more on a fear of being alone (example: walking alone far from them) or stayibg far from your parents (example: at school)?
@Ednamius Hello! Lovely to meet you. Something I didn't mention in my post is I have disabilities and my parents don't even want me to be in the doctor's office on my own. I don't know if in real life if Police show up to give bad news or not. But if that is the case-I don't know how I would handle it if I was by myself-since I live with Mom and Dad. I have this story from June 2025 when I was in the hospital and Mom who had stayed with me in the hospital- went home to grab some items for me and a doctor (I forget what kind) was suppose to call Mom at home to discuss the issue I had, and I ended up having the "tough conversation" with the doctor on my own. I then called Mom right afterwards to tell her.
It's just whenever they get home late from something -I think they got in a car accident or something. Leaving me alone in this house. My older sister lives elsewhere. It's doesn't matter if they tell me a time or not. Like if they don't get home from a party until 11pm that's late and they're normally early but not that early people. Someone who is fine isn't going to be calling the hostess of the party to see if their parents are still there. The parents have always been like "Don't treat time like a doctor's appointment". I'm not at the stage to be independent on my own-unlike the disabled advocates I follow online. I only have been to 3 Disabled Summer camps to gain independent living skills-one last year and 2 this July.
It doesn't matter if I know the time or not. It's just if I had a way of contacting them because they forget the phone here at home. I don't mind them being gone for awhile but If an hair appointment is at noon and they're normally back by 2pm. And they didn't get back today until after 3pm.
Like my Mom only told me today the first two steps I would take if something happened to them. !. Contact my sister and then 2. Contact maternal relatives.
@Disneywoman
@Amanda84 I guess what we really need is to sit down and look at what I would need in and outside of a future home. Like beside food/groceries/rent what would be my other costs be?
@Disneywoman
Yes, it would be very beneficial and practical for your sake 💛
@Amanda84 Yeah and I guess part of today's panic attack was due to a difficult and frustrating? conversation I had in the hospital in June 2025.
n that situation I had went into the hospital on my birthday (Friday June 20th, 2025) because I was really yellow beside of bile duct obstruction. Outside of the first night when Mom had to go home-leaving me overnight alone in the hospital and I couldn't eat anything but I could drink "clear liquids"- she stayed with me the next several days and night and after waiting for most of Saturday and part of Sunday for a doctor come talk to us- she went home to get some items for me-ie a laptop, and some fresh clothes after being in the same clothes since for two days. The plan was for the doctor to call Mom at home and talk to her.
But apparently the doctor either didn't know or didn't care and I ended up having to have the tough conversation with him myself. I then had to call her at home.
