Perspective check in
So my partner said she doesn't like the person that I am, she sees me as lazy, uncommitted, manipulative and controlling. All sounds quite harsh and I will admit my initial response was about trying to justify how I feel like I get overwhelmed sometimes and just because something might be easy for one person doesn't mean that it is as easy for someone else. We've been together for 14 years...not married but I view our relationship like we might as well be. I feel like I am walking on eggshells a lot of the time so because I am waiting for instruction or a hint of what is ok to do that makes me manipulative? If anything it makes me a push over and insecure. How on earth did we get so misaligned?
@conscientiousNickel7021
Welcome to the club no one wants... the long-term relationship where somewhere along the way wires were crossed and it seems like neither can do the right thing. you cannot go backwards to what it once was only forward and both need to respect and get to know who we are now ...
I would suggest if you can have at least an hour with nothing else interrupting to have a real talk.
Tell her how you feel. Waiting and walking on eggshells on everything looks like lazy or uncommitted sometimes. When waiting for clues or signs from the other person we can make errors in guessing what they want Or reluctance to do things to be told they were done wrong etc. We are not mind readers and the resentments being built are hard to overcome.