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conscientiousNickel7021
1 1,578 M Little Steps 6
PathStep 5 Compassion hearts144 Forum posts115 Forum upvotes108 Current upvotes108 Age GroupAdult Last activeMay, 2026 Member sinceApril 9, 2024
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Life speed variance
Relationship Stress / by conscientiousNickel7021
Last post
 March 31st
...See more Stuck in cycle on intense an argument pretty much every week with my partner. Been together a long time but the crux of our arguments is that we should have more and be further in our lives and it is me holding us back. I should trust more. They've had patience this long but it's running out as I haven't brought anything to our relationship I'm just taking all the good stuff they've brought. I do things, fix things, chase round after family but I haven't done anything for myself or us. I think I am the problem, I get overwhelmed by the expectation of doing all the small things I don't give much time to the bigger things. Also the smaller things I think feel safer than the bigger things. We've spoken about this so many times but I think I approach things too chilled. It's now causing massive problems and I'm constantly being accused of being uncaring otherwise I'd change. I don't know what to do, I try to chip away at things. To me it's hard but they're like you're wasting so much of our time and lives being the way you are. Feel stuck
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Vicious circle
Relationship Stress / by conscientiousNickel7021
Last post
 March 3rd
...See more Stuck in a cycle of not being able to go a week without arguing with my partner. Told I'm a disappointment, letting things down because we're not where we should be in life, I'm boring, I'm inconsiderate, I'm too chilled. We've been together nearly 14years but we've got to some mad point now where I feel like I'm seeking approval all the time, don't even think I am being myself just walking on eggshells. I try and talk and get pushed away. At some point in the day I'll give in and stop trying to say something coz I'm fed up of the rejection and I'm tired. How do you get through to someone who feels like they've been let down?
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Told I'm boring
Relationship Stress / by conscientiousNickel7021
Last post
 November 25th, 2025
...See more So I've been in a relationship for about 13 years. I seem to be the one that gets bossed around. Doing things in the day to day there are expectations from my partner be it to do with the running of the house or helping family. I do this while balancing a job as well. We're not getting through a week without arguing. It is frustrating. Some of our arguments are around my not focusing on the bigger picture, and poor communication and checking in. I feel like this is impacted by my being responsive to what goes on every day. I think I'm quite black and white. If there is something to check in with I will when I'm ready but if there is nothing to check in about then I don't know what I'm saying. Is this wrong? Clearly my partner wants me to check in with I have not done x y z but to me this feels like admitting I'm not doing enough when I get criticised I'm not good enough so I'm really trying to be conscious of doing the things I should. I almost feel like I'm working off a list and not even being myself now. I feel if I'm doing things at my speed I'm not good enough. This balance doesn't sound quite right I know. To top it off today's argument peaked with I should be able to love and take harsh words and take them at their worst to prove I can take them at their best. Then I essentially got pushed away, told I don't want to talk anymore, respect my boundaries and I'm really boring. I've tried to give some space this afternoon. I'm at a loss of what to do next. Every time I try and start a conversation it's met with defensiveness. Tired.
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Perspective check in
Relationship Stress / by conscientiousNickel7021
Last post
 October 9th, 2025
...See more So my partner said she doesn't like the person that I am, she sees me as lazy, uncommitted, manipulative and controlling. All sounds quite harsh and I will admit my initial response was about trying to justify how I feel like I get overwhelmed sometimes and just because something might be easy for one person doesn't mean that it is as easy for someone else. We've been together for 14 years...not married but I view our relationship like we might as well be. I feel like I am walking on eggshells a lot of the time so because I am waiting for instruction or a hint of what is ok to do that makes me manipulative? If anything it makes me a push over and insecure. How on earth did we get so misaligned?
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Time in relationships
Relationship Stress / by conscientiousNickel7021
Last post
 October 8th, 2025
...See more Finding the right balance of give and take as well as communication are really important things needed to be in a relationship with someone. I've been in a relationship for 14 years and both those things are a total mess. We both are now snapping at each other and having arguments every other day. We tried to have a long talk about when we first met to reconnect and feel closer to each other but it left my partner feeling sad and bitter that so much potential has not been grasped. I get told I'm too slow and need hen pecking. But my partner has said because I'm always getting nudged she never knows what is genuine. Now I feel criticised and like I can't do anything right. Help. How do you keep things on track?
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Struggling
Relationship Stress / by conscientiousNickel7021
Last post
 February 12th, 2025
...See more Been in my relationship for 12 years. Most of it I have always felt like I have been on the back foot playing catch up in terms of what's expected of me. I think my partner has seen more potential in me than I have had the confidence to put out there. Over time our dynamic became more of a I'll get told what needs doing but after a while that would grate on my partner and I'd get criticised for not taking the lead. So then I'd use my initiative over silly things like dinner choices or where we're going at the weekend...which would then be met by negative comments. I've shyed away from big life choices like proposing or having kids, not because I don't want to but because I feel I need to process it and everything about it. I'm scared of rejection and arguing (though we seem to do the latter more so now). Cut a long background short, I feel like my slowness and way of being has been pushing my partner away. When in actual fact I'm the complete opposite and quite needy. Anyway it's been getting a bit tense in the last few months culminated in my mum passing away last month. We had a bit of a rocky relationship as she didn't like my choice of partner amongst other things. I've found it quite hard to cope with grief, upset, arranging funeral, talking to solicitors etc. My partner has been struggling with being supportive when we were already in a funny patch. I feel like I need support. I feel like I can't ask for it. My partner feels let down by our past and doesn't want to be supportive. Which I can understand as much as I hate to say it. I feel like a whirlwind of mess and that I can't do anything right and now I feel incredibly alone as well. I want to make things right between us but I'm scared the patience has run out. Any words of advise anyone?
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Deflated
Relationship Stress / by conscientiousNickel7021
Last post
 October 5th, 2024
...See more My partner has told me that after many years of feeling like her life has been put on hold because of me that she feels massively let down and like all I do is break promises consistently. She says this was not the life we she envisaged when we got together 10 years ago. She wants to break up. I don't. She says she doesn't want words and she feels numb she wants me to leave. Again I don't, I want to make things right. It feels like every time I say something it is met with anger. I keep trying to connect back. I feel like everything is crumbling. We have always had a connection and I feel at a loss to be pushed away. I hate that she says she isn't happy and I don't think I'm wrong for feeling like I want to make things better. I'm just not sure how when I'm met with anger 80% the time I say something. I know her anger and frustration comes from my too chilled approach to life. I think because of this she thinks I don't care but I do. I can find normal things challenging like dealing with people, it is draining where she is the complete opposite. I think because we're not the same in that respect it causes issues. Maybe I have taken too long to make decisions or do actions and she has seen that as I don't care. I do though and it's not like she hasn't been by my side the whole time so even if she doesn't agree woth what I think have been issues for me, she's still aware of times I've felt challenged. I think our different perspectives is the cause of where the anger comes from. In her opinion just get on with it. While I wish I could do that more like I say I have struggled. I'm just not sure what to do now. I keep trying to reach out but feel deflated. I just wanted to rant.
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Frame of reference
Relationship Stress / by conscientiousNickel7021
Last post
 October 2nd, 2024
...See more Been with my partner 10 years we have a child together. Known each other a lot longer as we were friends before we got into a relationship. We always felt a connection so it just made sense to follow our attraction into a relationship. It wasn't always straightforward as we'd both been in other relationships. Anyways early on she had always said she likes to have her own finances, her own house (which we live in), she wasn't bothered about marriage. These things not massively bother me as I was happy being committed being involved in whatever was going on with family, but now she is telling me she feels neglected. Like we always do things for other family members and not enough on anything that benefits us and because I have contributed to that, gone a long with it, not pushed to get married - I don't care, I'm selfish and can't see bigger than the thing immediately in front of me. Has anyone else ever been told this? I think I do adopt "firefight" mode when it comes to helping family out but I haven't meant to make my partner feel neglected. I try to help things a long now but preempting how to help make life easier (doesn't always work) but she tells me it is too little too late, I don't really care because if I did I wouldn't of let her feel so alone all these years. I would have made her move away from the stresses of her family but we are here now because of me. Every time someone in the family does something annoying, it is my fault we are here and have to deal with it. I feel confused as I had spent years getting involved and helping with family things to try alleviate the stress and be involved to show I care and it seems to have come back to bite me in the a$$. She told me I'm disconnected from my emotions as a person. I don't talk about my feelings like normal people. I have said I'm not always the best at talking about what I'm scared of and it's not that I don't want to share that with her. Now when I do share things she's saying she feels like she's forcing me. She said she doesn't like who I am I'm selfish and a horrible person. I don't want to give up on the relationship as I see it as a commitment even if there are no rings but it's hard to hear someone you love saying if they knew what they know now they're not sure they'd get in a relationship with you because they expected a lot more. I've tried to keep this short and to the point. I just needed to vent. Has this happened to anyone else? I just want to make things better
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