Questioning my relationship
Me (26) and my partner (30) have been together 5-6 years. I'll leave a TLDR at the bottom. Our relationship started long distance and was a bit rocky. I questioned a lot of things and this is my first relationship.
When we moved in together, after months of feeling crazy, being called crazy and going to therapy, I discussed he had a lying issue. It was about everything. We had to rebuild our relationship from the ground up. We had a trauma bond and I loved him so I stayed. For 4.5 years he kept lying to me. We'd have months of no lies, then months of lies, then discovery. Cycle repeats.
This last year he has been completely honest. I feel safer, but its like my want for him is gone. I am unsure if its because I'm healing and not able to. I was technically SA-ed non-violently. So I was hyper sexual for a while then nothing. But I'm so confused. When we do things together I just get the ick lately because hes always arguing. We play games, he rages. He argues with people online on Next-door everyday now.
I feel dependent and like I shouldn't leave emotionally. Added to that, I lost my job and one of our dogs needs surgery. I am financially dependent right now as well. I dont understand why I cant just decide what to do about the relationship.
TLDR: My partner was abusive to me at the start of our relationship but has been healthy the past year. I thought things would get better, but I struggle to feel romantically for him now compared to when he was emotionally abusive.
@TributeTripe
It is hard to be in a state of being unsure how we feel about our relationship. We feel torn especially when we feel like we have put in so much time or effort and even financial issues. I think when we live the same pattern over and over, we grow tired of that and frankly do not want to do it anymore
. When in a couple outside things like finances sometimes keeps us dependent and we want to convince ourselves we are staying for more than finance. We think of the best part of relationship then HOPE things could be like that again even if highly unlikely. it is like expecting to be surprised at a surprise party we planned it just is not possible.
My partner had some issues with the truth or telling me the whole story details about things and after a while I no longer trust him. We can change ourselves but not them. I have tried several things to build real connection again but without him changing I can no longer fool myself into not preparing for the half-truths or lies. It definitely effects my wanting to be intimate and I feel like ick when we did. I realized it is the emotional connection has been broken. I feel women need emotional connection for the romantic connection to work.
Take time and be Honest with yourself about can you or do you want to live a life you no longer have feel the same about. We all question it..... some people will fake it but sooner or later it no longer works for either of you.