Relationship stress
I’m going through a really hard time. My spouse and I have been fighting constantly for over a month, and it’s left me feeling hurt, humiliated, and alone. I’ve trusted and loved them for 15 years, but now I’m struggling with anxiety, depression, and loneliness. I don’t have friends to talk to, and I don’t want to open up to my spouse. I just need someone to listen without judgment.
Has anyone been through something similar? I would really appreciate hearing how you coped or just having someone to talk to.
@intelligentOrange5845
I think many have been in those shoes. if your desire is to end the fighting or distance, we need to open all up and communicate. I spent a few years feeling anxiety and alone in a marriage...
I did therapy and knew I can only change myself and how I reacted to my partner. I did open up in time set aside and used the "I feel" statements and asked many questions to make sure they could show they really took in what I was saying and I heard them. Too many times, in a continual circle of fighting we are too busy thinking of our next comeback we do not take in what is really being said.
Talking to others I found did not help as much as I hoped. it comes down to people who say leave period..... or there are people who challenge us to review what went wrong and if I was making small things become bigger. I was, and being challenged to try to look objectively was hard to see I was often in wrong too.
Love and relationships / marriages often go on auto pilot and everyone I know this has led to a wreck. Many do not put in the maintenance in relationship until after something has gone wrong.
Currently going through this right now. We just had a huge fight the other day. He always seems so stressed. Says it's always work but I know it's us too. He's always so serious. He thinks so negatively about me at times. I struggle with a mental health disorder and he really doesn't know how to support it. He comes home and watches TV and I go into the hobby room. I feel so disconnected and lonely. He threatens to leave when we fight. It's hard telling what's really on his mind anymore he used to be so open. Now he's pulled away. I know his job is stressful but I don't know what to do. It's the loneliness. I try to talk but it turns into a minor argument. Or me being blamed for something. This past year has been so hard. I feel you. I understand.
@intellectualartist2024
we are not compartmentalized in our life... when my spouse was stressed or had issues at work it comes in the door with him not waiting on porch until he goes to work. when we struggle with something they do not understand they do not know how to support us when we feel that way we do Not know what would fix it either or we would do it.
I know most couples do that and threaten to leave but in the end that is like weakening the foundation underneath us and someday it will crumble even if we no longer want it to. Both of you need to communicate and share it is surprising to find out the support is their IF we ask for it and speak up not waiting for them to read our minds. Tell him how you feel lonely and disconnected. It helped my relationship when I TOLD them outright, I was lonelier with them in same room then if i was alone. they shared more of work or other issues they seemed relieved of burden of keeping it to themselves. work on you. you cannot change him only you
Thank you, words mean alot. Given my all in last 15 years and forgot my own self, what I like what I want, always put her and kids needs first, been there for her for everything gave her freedom from cooking to cleaning, managing work and house giving her freedom and space and all I get in return is complain from 15 years. Worst part is when you open up to your partner and they used your words against you and shame you that hurt the most. I have shut my self down and have become a pleasing husband for sometime to see how things are going. Sometime distance is good emotionally and physically. I might be wrong but I have no idea what to do other than runaway or puch the wall but I love my kids and that's the strong reason I have to keep me going.
I hope things will improved for you but try going out to gym or play sports, I am diverting my mind to keep myself busy and things which keeps you happy or calm.
Currently going through this right now. We just had a huge fight the other day. He always seems so stressed. Says it's always work but I know it's us too. He's always so serious. He thinks so negatively about me at times. I struggle with a mental health disorder and he really doesn't know how to support it. He comes home and watches TV and I go into the hobby room. I feel so disconnected and lonely. He threatens to leave when we fight. It's hard telling what's really on his mind anymore he used to be so open. Now he's pulled away. I know his job is stressful but I don't know what to do. It's the loneliness. I try to talk but it turns into a minor argument. Or me being blamed for something. This past year has been so hard. I feel you. I understand.