Relationship with someone who’s depressed - HELP
My fiancé and I have been together for almost six years, and he is my first relationship. This year, his mental health has gotten significantly worse, and he has been struggling with severe depression.
I’ve been doing my best to be there for him, support him, and understand what he’s going through, but some of the things he has been saying have started to take a toll on me and affect how I feel about myself and our relationship. I know it’s not my responsibility to save him or fix what he’s going through, but I truly love and care about him, and I want to do everything I can to make our relationship work.
What has been especially concerning to me are some of the things he has shared with me.
He has said that he feels like he needs to find himself and figure out how to be happy, and he has even thought about leaving the state to do that without me in his life.
Another time, I asked him why he proposed to me, hoping for something romantic or reassuring, but he told me that he proposed because he sees a future with me, while also saying that just because he proposed doesn’t mean it’s absolute.
He has also told me that sometimes he thinks about being with other women so he can figure out why he’s with me and appreciate me more.
He has even suggested that I should date other men so I can experience other relationships and figure out what I truly want, since he is my first relationship. But I don’t feel like I need to date other people to know what I want.
He thinks I’m too good for him and that I should find someone who is better for me and can treat me better.
I understand that his mental health is affecting how he sees himself, our relationship, his life, and me, and that I shouldn’t take everything he says to heart. But it’s hard to just ignore it when this is the first time I’ve ever heard him say these things.
It hurts knowing that he’s hurting and that he sees himself so negatively when I think he’s perfect. I’ve been constantly feeling anxious and a little sad every day because I’m scared that he’s going to eventually break up with me and leave me.
I know that what he needs right now is someone to support him, be there for him, and remind him that he doesn’t have to go through this alone, so that’s what I’m going to do for the time being.
@RaisinsRGrapes
Depression can bring out the worst in people. we may say something we do not really mean but we want so much to be better we start believing any radical change will help. it doesn't but some find that out too late. I never understood the go find yourself mode because when experiencing new things etc. we are distracted from facing ourselves which is always right there no matter where we are.
it is not a reflection on you. Depression is often not one episode and done. so be prepared sometime down the road these frustrations and confusion may pop up again.
I feel for you. That's really not nice to hear from your partner in a committed relationship.
Is he getting any sort of professional help with it?
I know you are trying to do all you can, probably on top of your own issues, which is really patient of you.
If these talks continue, firstly do share that it's upsetting to hear. Secondly tell him to really think about whether he actually wants some space for a while because you know what you want and how you feel....
But does he? I personally would need to know I have a solid future and not just be guessing about where I stood..