Reminiscing...The very beginning.
Im not sure about the exact date but i woul have been 22 years old. At the time my current wife was my brothers best frinds wife. Pregnant at the time with her first born son. (My 2nd oldest son/stepson.) I met her on a hangout night and without a doubt fell in love with her the first time i set my eyes on her. She was not mine, i didnt think she would ever be. Years down the road i happened upon her on a dating app but didnt recognize her...at first...after a couple weeks of texting eachother we realized that we knew eachother previously and by this time i had 1 Boy and she had given birth to two. Regardless, i knew i wanted to be with her just the same way i did when i had first saw her. I loved her, i just knew it. Now, as of today. Here we sit in her home town as we are dropping off her first born with his grandpa to attend university. Durring this we all went to lunch, and walked down the main street where the memories still live of our very first date. The places we went, the people we encountered, and even the hotel we decided to stay at due to it being too late to drive all the way home. All of the memories rushed over me, i remembered how i felt...how we felt that night. I remember the old lady Toni that we befriende telling both of us how she could see how much we loved eachother just by how we looked at eachother before us telling her that it was only our first date. As i kived in these moments, sadness washed over me thinking about where we are now. All of the regrets, all of the mistakes, all of the negativity and circumstances that have driven our marriage to the point that it is today. Things are improving, but they are definitely not what they once were, nor will they ever be again. It is but a tragedy in so many ways. This is life i suppose.
@Ryan575
sounds like great memories....
it is hard looking back sometimes to not know where it fell off the track.
I recently realized so much marriage advice and tips are for newly married and new parents etc.... they never warn us that down the road when kids are older etc is when we can become disconnected and struggle. was it we were busier with kids etc to notice we do not talk anymore.... we take each other for granted ... we do not notice small or big changes ....
Yes, i agree with everything you said. Im just baffled simply because...though this relationship/marriage is not, and has not ever been perfect. Though i realize all the mistakes ive made and atoned for, i know that she has made mistakes as well, yet to face atonement...she cut off any form of intimacy or affection for over a year. Which is something ive needed. For the longest time now, whenever i have told her that i love her...her reply is and has been "yes" or "mmhmm" or some variation of the sorts...............I never have stopped loving her just the same way i did that night.....i have messed up big no doubt but i have been truly sorry when thats happened i have made huge efforts to make things right. I guess i just dont understand how love can be lost like that. It hurts to think about. Especially because i know that other than a couple of one line things i myself have said to women online (twice)...i have never cheated...ive been loyal. Maybe not so trusting sometimes, but loyal to her no doubt...this just sucks. Can you explain to me how love is lost like that? Im very uncertain. Its a difficult concept for me to wrap my head around.
@Ryan575
I agree.
I thought love did not wither and fade like a cut flower.....i thought it would never happen Unless something big happened affair/ or abuse or something serious ..... but it was not a big thing it was death be a million paper cuts type thing. i looked over and not only did i not feel anything ... i did not know this person ..... i did not like this person.....
it was not a single event one could atone for ... it was continued failure to communicate... listen ... react or making changes on assumptions....