Sad and Scared
My girlfriend recently asked for a break in our relationship. She says it's because she feels like she can't trust anything I say whenever I comfort her. Like she just thinks I'm 'dousing fires' according to her words.
I think it's because I can't help but feel like I have to carefully choose my words to put my feelings into words properly without being misunderstood...
I don't want to suspect that everything she feels is just from her bipolar disorder. Sometimes I do say or do something wrong but sometimes it really feels like I don't think she understands the context and every time I defend myself, it's like digging myself into a hole. Admittedly, I say sorry most of the time even when I think I didn't say anything wrong...
Now she wants a break because she's tired of feeling paranoid. I don't want to lose her. I'm scared. And she also recently admitted that her ex had been texting her although she has been rejecting his advances. I can't help but feel maybe she wants to give others a chance again because I'm not putting enough effort in the relationship as she believes...
What should I do? I feel like saying yes to the break will hurt me real bad. I've stated that I want to work things out no matter what but I know people might say let go and see what happens... ugh...
@peachiejuice
It sounds like a communication issue........i have one too ....
I want to break from my partner because he says things he THINKS are fine or great because he does not see how it comes across. I know it is worse since he feels everything is taken a different way then he intended.
The communication problem is on both sides. It is a work in progress and it has been a long time for us. My best advice is ask questions / clarify....Tell the other person how it came across. DO not assume what someone meant by a comment or such. it happens once or twice... fine but when it continues enough is enough.
If we had communication issues in other situations like work we would re-word or not risk being misunderstood...... but we seem to assume our partner KNOWS us should know I meant this or that...and a do-over.
@toughTiger6481
Do you ever think the lack is intentional?
@Aite
It is hard not to feel when miscommunication happens over and over again that it is not intentional.
I know that no matter how i want him to be "fixed" I cannot change him only can change how i react to it. Maybe the OP GF needs to work on herself but you cannot fix relationship communication while on a break. we are always on our best and pay close attention in first of relationship pr when on break trying to save it ....
@peachiejuice
It sounds like you are experiencing a lot of heartache and distress at the idea of losing this relationship. This is rough and I'm sorry you are having to deal with this.
I totally relate to immediately thinking about what has gone wrong and why. I too would be analysing everything to try to identify what I did wrong.
I've been learning about boundaries. And I wonder if this is something that might help you. Have you thought about where the border between you and your girlfriend is? What is each person's responsibilities?
You write that your girlfriend has asked for a break. That she says she feel she can't trust. Also that she is tired of feeling paranoid.
It sounds to me that she is being self aware that she has issues and realising that she needs to do something about them. If so, she is probably right. Her issues are her responsibilities.
Are you maybe trying to take responsibility for her issues? This is very natural. You care about her. You likely want her to be happy.
I've had to learn that trying to take responsibility for someone else's happiness results in an unhealthy codependance that leads to everyone being unhappy. It's a very painful journey that is not for everyone. And I hope that whatever path you chose it leads you to peace and happiness.