Should I ask him for a break?
I've been with my bf for a year and a half. It's both of our first relationships and we are students at university.
Everything had been great for so long and I feel like he genuinely loves me but recently I keep feeling unhappy and think about breaking up even though I don't want that. I think I just want him to realise he's losing me and to do something about it but I don't know how to tell him.
The thing that's been bothering me the most is that he's very cheap. I only get gifts on special occasions and he's never paid for a date (we each pay for ourselves). But Ive paid for dates before. He's always complaining about not having money and says when he gets his next student loan he will spoil me, but every time he gets it, nothing changes. The only money he spends on me is when he gets ingredients to make food at home and is still very stingy with how much I want to use.
I've talked to him about how he wouldn't struggle for money if he got a job, and that he could just work 2 days a week so that it doesn't mess with his studies, but he makes the excuse of needing to find the perfect job even though he's not looking for one. I think he's being lazy.
This makes me feel unvalued. And I'm not one to say that a guy has to make loads of money for me to be with him, but I'd like little gifts and to be taken out.
Everything else in our relationship is great but this 1 thing is making me feel worse and worse and I don't know how to bring it up or how to fix it.
I thought about taking a break, but I don't know how that would solve it. Should I tell him I need a break and say that I don't feel valued?
What do you think I should do?
Listen very carefully….BREAK UP! RUN FOR THE HILLS. DON’T TAKE A BREAK…BREAK UP. Why stay if he makes promises he can’t keep? You feel undervalued…that’s enough right there. No one is perfect but you were not put on this Earth to accommodate anyone else’s preferences. He wants to be cheap, let him be cheap with someone else. You want gifts and someone who pays for dates once in a while? Then, date someone who gives gift and pays for dates every once in a while. That simple! You can have the conversation with him but it’s been a year and a half. He knows what he’s doing and he’ll continue to do it if you allow him to.
If you want to stay (which I do not recommend because you are young with options) then ask him directly and tell him what you want. If he does not change for the better then tell him you want to focus on yourself and your studies and leave.
@Mtotta
I do not think he will "get it" ... some people think a break or even threats of will make their partner step up and change. They will not they simply do not understand your position.
It is understandable to be frugal in college etc and perhaps he is not hot on job idea ... or worried he will not find one that works with him on schedule around school etc.... people who say they want the "perfect" fit for job are NOT serious about getting one there is no perfect.
As the other poster said it might be an idea to break-up because after a certain amount of time......... they assume you are all good with them being super cheap and NOT doing the small gifts and tokens of affection.
I know it is hard to talk about but if you want him to change that is what you should do.. Tell him that relationship is not working for you and NO promises of when i get my next loan /or after school or someday i will./ ...are all empty promises.
it sounds like idea of he is way behind in the count... in picking up a tab or stepping up will be in your mind every time a situation occurs ....
hey,
I can understand how frustrated you must feel but keeping your doubts in and not addressing them will push you away from each other. If you want to stay with this person I would suggest the best move is to tell him you’re having some doubts and you want to address them.
You could also try make an activity such as a date raffle and have two versions of the same date but with different names to indicate who pays.
If you truly want to make it work I think communication is key for both parties but if one side doesn’t want to then perhaps you will have to have the conversation of what your going to do next.
@Mtotta,
seems like he is not willing to put in some extra effort and likes the situation as is.
Waiting for the perfect job, well , he can go look for it after studies. There are so many students with a side job to generate some extra income.
He's just looking for excuses and simply doesn't want to put in the effort.
It's a character treat. Ask yourself, do you see yourself spend your life with someone like that?