Should be over it
Relationship ended almost a year ago. She has a new bf. I know what he does for work and how much he makes(25$ a hour at the most, we all live in NY). Her parents told her I'd live off her because I didn't take her to fancy restaurants, have a car, or buy her jewelry. I was putting myself through school during COVID and passed my boards exam in October. Family is giving me so much praise. They know that it still bothers me that my ex gfs parents said "He's gonna live off you". I'm about to be making $50 for every patient I see. That's 6 figures. Close to it. Or a little above it. Depends on how much I am willing to work. I finally have my freedom and independence. And on top of that, the patients I see are for a hour each....later on with a year or 2 experience....I can see patients for 30 minutes and still make the same money per visit.
I wanted nothing more then to hold my ex gf and hug her when I found out I passed my boards and just tell her "thank you for waiting on me, now it's my turn to wait on you". She started the same program I did this September.
My parents threw me a celebration dinner in the disguise of a early thanksgiving dinner with family. (I don't like the spotlight). This was the first shared holiday we have had as a family since the beginning of COVID, and it was so nice to be back to normal again. My ex gfs parents lived as if COVID didn't exist, meanwhile her father is a doctor.
I know my ex is upstate enduring the program I had to and living at least to some extent the brutal stress of what I delt with. And I do feel bad, but she has to do it, for her future, but she's with someone else. I feel like she ended up with the person her parents said I was(he's got a degree he doesn't use and working a odd job)..... meanwhile I'm here making the money I'll be making, and I still feel like I failed. For the first time in my life, once I finally reached my goal....I feel lonely. Not alone, I've been alone in terms of friends and relationships because I'm so busy with school or work(I do have a emotionally supportive family) but for the first time in my life, I do sincerely feel lonely.
Her bday is this month. January is the last time I saw her. Feel like the tables have turned drastically. I still have feelings for her, think I always will. I want to see her, but I'm scared I wouldn't want her back. And the irony is, I have this gut feeling she will be back once she realizes how stressful the program is and why I didn't have time to plan dates with her or even afford the gas to come see her...or....in a way.... something worse....her new bf tells her something like what she told me "I got tired of waiting for you for 2 years."
I want to be over this. The guilt. The wishing she were here to see all of this. I just don't know what else to do to move on. She did in 4 months with a new bf. But I think he's a distraction to not deal with our relationship we had. I could have gotten into a new relationship 7 months after the breakup....I chose not to, I wasn't anywhere near ready, the girl and I stopped talking.(the physical aspects were nice tbh, but we would finish, and I'd miss my ex every single time).
Just want to get out of this hole. And I'm sincerely scared that if we me and my ex somehow started talking again ....and met up ....I'd see what my family and friends tell me .....that she "isn't on my level(yet)". And I don't want to believe that, because she has so much in her that her own family suppresses because it means they'll lose their control.
God I just miss her. I'm in such a different financial place and I actually have free time now, and a car, and no pandemic. I know lifes not fair, but I did everything "right" and she couldn't just wait for me ..... meanwhile had the shoe been on the other foot....I'd have waited for her so she could focus on her future career like i have done.
@toughPapaya1551 hi there papaya! i hear you. the situation sounds difficult and i know what it's like being unable to move on from a situation that feels overall unfair and painful like this.
@toughPapaya1551
You can't or won't let go and it is all understandable. It was an insult from her parents and sometimes we would like to rub the truth into someones face that you were in a different place while in school/ program.
I never think people should judge relationships based on what they are earning as that can change for all sorts of reasons. I am sure you would wait for her but you are looking back with 20/20 hindsight.
If you think her new relationship is not going anywhere and you still have feelings if you can contact as a friend and say good luck with program and hope she does well etc...
that way she can either respond or not...... i do not think you are worried about starting talking again but may dread the ...What if she does not respond.
I did promise I would pay her back for the few dates we did go on and we had to split them. I wanted to treat her and not have to ask her to split the date(that also was a issue for her parents, that I never paid for a date outright....meanwhile...I'm a broke college student at the time and trying my best). So I am planning to Venmo her the money once I paid off my other debts from school, and send her a little "good luck" message. And I plan to mail her parents a check with the money they spent on a surprise bday dinner for me at a steakhouse(I dont like fancy restaurants, and I appreciated the gesture, but they never asked me what I liked, they just did *** without ever asking). And I plan to send the check with a note that says "Just because I couldn't afford to show it, doesn't mean your daughter wasn't the most important person to me." And attach a picture of the boards results that say "PASS"
@toughPapaya1551,
why?
You don't owe them anything.
She broke up and had her reasons, and likely was heading towards a breakup for months.
I understand you felt misunderstood and not appreciated but again, she broke up and would have anyway.
If you'd like to build some sort of connection the actions you have in mind will not help, on the contrary.
Focus on you. You've come a long way. Take it slow, don't push yourself and allow yourself to grieve. Be aware though not to let your emotions make you moves that more than likely will backfire, to you.
I did promise her I'd pay her back though (before break up)
@toughPapaya1551,
that was then and now is now. She broke up since.
You owe her nothing and, as I said, it's not a good move. Be honest to yourself and see it's just an excuse to contact her. Don't. If she ever wants contact, she'll reach out.
Yes but I also feel like a "need" to since I promised I would, Im even paying back the money i got from a graduation party 😭. I asked her to block me on everything when she told me she was seeing someone new
@toughPapaya1551
understand one thing, there is a purpose that people have in your life, for why they are there, and why they are not. It is quite possible that a new door may open in your life, and to truly appreciate that, the old one, has to close.
And let's be honest, a marriage, if it does happen, is never between 2 people, but 2 families, and if this is the scenario now doc, imagine what it would be like if there are kids and family situations down the line.
You are doing good for yourself, and trust me, she knows that you are! Its now time to enjoy the hard work you have put it into, and to actually spend the joys on someone, who actually deserves you and appreciates you for YOU!
You are going to be ok! You have come far, and one step at a time!
Rememebr this, doing the right thing is more often, the hard thing to do, but remember, just because its hard, doesnt make it less right!
You must do what must be done!
Take this as a WIN!
I’m not saying to run your success in anyone’s face, but flaunt your happiness! You deserve it!
I know what it feels like to miss someone. Find someone who is willing to love you when you’re poor AND when you’re financially successful ❤️
She would argue with her parents and defend me, but she didn't throw the 'didnt feel like a priority' in my face until 3 months into us being a secret after her father "gave her 3 days" to end it with me. Idk, I think her biggest issue is not being able to set boundaries with her parents, they told her "it's us or him. If you choose him, you don't have parents anymore". That broke my heart and they aren't even my parents, but I told her they're showing you they care more about things then you being happy, but idk, either way I'm paying her back and the sending her parents cash for the dinner they took me too(I don't like feeling like I owe people money)
That sounds a lot like emotional incest, if not just extremely toxic. I’m so sorry this happened 😭
Thank you. They were more concerned that me and her "didn't go away" during COVID, and actually told her that she's working too much and doesn't have enough friends. I kid you not
